Running Late

My heading says it all this morning. I'm really running late. About an hour late to be exact. Oh well, that's the way it goes sometimes. I was sitting on the couch with Pepper watching the morning new on FOX and the next thing I knew I was waking up. Somehow I'd fallen asleep. It put me late, which I really dislike, but it felt awfully good to have a short snooze. But I have all my morning chores done now and I'm free to blog.

I don't have any plans for today. Nothing is pressing. We're going to grill hot dogs for dinner tonight. Michael threw together a batch of coleslaw to go with them so we're basically all set for tonight. I love it when we have that decision behind us. There's nothing worse than having to try to come up with an idea for dinner and have it drag on all day long. Usually when that happens with me, I no longer even have an appetite for dinner. It's not the cooking or preparation I mind; it's the thinking of something that gets to me.

I quit smoking this past January after a 20-year battle against that horrible addiction. That makes it over 7 months ago. Talking about our struggles and hardships Rom. 8:37 says: "... in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." I am more than a conqueror because it's not that I just no longer smoke, but that I no longer want to smoke. It's as if I'm standing there victorious with my sword in my hand and my foot up on the slayed dragon called addiction. But it didn't happen overnight. I had heard and read so many stories of how people kicked that habit as soon as they accepted Christ as their Savior. How He'd just taken away their desire to smoke and they went on their merry little way, with never smoking another cigarette. I had prayed to quit smoking. I had fasted and prayed to quit smoking. I had made promises of my undying love and obedience if God would but take the habit away from me. But for 20 years the Lord seemed to turn a deaf ear in my direction. Let me tell you about my battle.

I prayed and tried so hard to give up cigarettes but nothing ever seemed to work. I really enjoyed smoking. That was my problem. Even I knew it was a dirty, stinking, God-dishonoring thing to do; but I enjoyed it. No matter how hard I tried or how many times I tried, nothing seemed to work. I even gave the Lord permission to make me physically ill every time I smoked a cigarette (as if He needs my permission, LOL). I wrote out Rom. 12:1 on a piece of paper ("Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God ... this is your spiritual act of worship.") and taped it to my bathroom mirror so I'd see it every time I looked at myself. Nothing worked. I tried and tried to stop smoking and it seemed that the harder I tried to quit and the more I prayed about it, the deeper the addiction would go. And it didn't seem to matter how much or how often I prayed. I prayed daily; many times a day, and still the addiction stayed. Then a revelation happened. That's the only way I can explain it and that explanation goes along with Scripture in that some things are spiritually discerned (1Cor. 2:14) and I suddenly had complete understanding. For over 20 years I had fought this battle and then instantly I realized the real problem.

With completely clear knowledge and understanding I came to know that smoking was a choice. That's such an easy thing to say but it took me 20 years to get to the point where I knew, really, really knew, with every fiber of my being that smoking was a choice. Yes, it was simple but it was also profound. From that moment on, every time I wanted a cigarette I said five little words: "I choose NOT to smoke." And that was it. My addiction was broken, it no longer controlled me. You see, God had answered my prayers years and years ago. I just hadn't been listening to His answer. The answer is found in Gal. 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness ... and self-control." It took a revelation from God to get me to understand that He had already given me everything I needed to kick my addiction to cigarettes. I had self-control. I'd had self-control for over 20 years. All I had to do was apply this truth to my life. Applying Scripture to our lives isn't always the easiest thing to do and I'm embarrassed to admit that it took me so many years to come to understand and know, really, really know, that smoking is a choice and I possessed the self-control needed to stop. I had wanted the Lord to "take away" my addiction for all those years when in reality it was like He said, "But child, I've already given you everything you need to quit on your own. When I gave you my Spirit, I gave you self-control."

Smoking is just like any other sin. We make a choice. Whether it be smoking, adultery, gossip or "little white lies," it's all a choice. And we have been given the fruit of the Spirit ... self-control ... to withstand the temptation. God wasn't ignoring my prayers for 20 years. I was ignoring the answer for all those years. In His perfect knowledge, I had already quit. I already had everything I needed to be more than a conqueror. All I had to do was appropriate that Truth into my heart and mind.

I know this knowledge and understanding came by revelation because of it's fullness and clarity. It was one of my O.O.C.G. moments, one of my oh, of course, God! moments. We all get them at times. When suddenly, out of the empty blue sky, understanding dawns in our foggy minds. In and of myself, breaking the addiction to cigarettes was a 20-year losing battle. Then suddenly, revelation! I understood. I made a choice every time I picked up a cigarette and lit it. I also made a choice every time I said "No" to one. And God had given me everything I needed to quit, I just needed to realize it. Once everything became crystal clear, quitting was one of the easiest things I've ever done. That isn't to say I don't still crave a cigarette occasionally. But that I have the power of the Spirit ... self-control ... to turn and walk away.

My Bible verse of the day is Col. 3:2: "Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things." The verse I use every day comes to me in my daily email. You may also have subscribed to this service but if you haven't, I'll try to give it to you. If you've already received it in your email, just ignore it in my blog. Or read it again. I always wanted to write a book on living the Christian life and if I ever get around to it, I will call it "Living Vertically in a Horizontal World." Today's verse always makes me think of that book title. Because by keeping our minds on the things above, we live vertically in a world where others never give God a thought. They relate only to each other. We, however, relate to God above first and then, through Him, to others around us.

My blog will be really late tomorrow, if I even get around to writing it. I have a hair appointment in the morning and that will interfere with things. But, I sooooo need to get my hair cut! I'm going to have her go even shorter this time. It grows out so fast and the shorter it is the easier it is for me to take care of and it looks good. I just wanted to let you know it will be late. Sorry about today's blog being late. I really hadn't intended on falling asleep on the couch but I sure did. I didn't really get around to a devotional today like I had planned but let's consider my smoking revelation and confession as one. Looking at it from a distance now, I can't believe I found it so hard to quit smoking for all those years. Because it was such an easy things to do once I truly understood that God had already given me everything I needed to quit. So if you're battling an addiction of any kind, just remember the Holy Spirit gives us self-control. Take that knowledge to heart and be more than a conqueror! Until tomorrow ...