Not Just Any Thursday in November

Forty-six years ago today Richard Darnell Wilson came into the world weighing 8 lbs. 3-1/2 ounces and measuring 21-1/2 inches long. Yes Rich would have been 46 years old today if he had not committed suicide at the tender age of 22. He's been dead for 24 years and I still miss him so very much. I can't help but wonder what he would be like now. How many grandchildren would he have given me? Time has taken away the pain but nothing can take away the ache in this mother's heart. I've shed a few tears tonight. Something I haven't done in years. Tears can't bring him back nor do they wash away the loneliness I feel without him in my life. I think he would be proud of his little brother and the person he's become. And I think he'd be proud of me too for simply hanging on no matter what. We miss you, Rich. And I have always been proud that you were my son and I had the privilege of loving you. I still do, you know. Love you. I always will.

An Odd Day

What an odd day this has been! It disappeared on me. I got absolutely nothing done and the day is over and I'm deep into the night. Oh I did do a few things. I finished one neckwarmer and started another. (Hopefully I'll have enough done by Christmas for everyone that's on my list.) I ran errands, although I found the bank and the Post Office closed, same for the print shop (where I almost risked life and limb to cross the highway to get copies made for my husband only to find them closed). I struck gold at the drug store. Got my $37 refund and picked up two free 2010 calendars and then headed to Kathleen's house for some one-on-one knitting advice. Mostly just checking to make sure I know what I think I'm doing (you figure it out). I was right on with my vest but still traveling scary waters as far as venturing into the unknown of knitting goes, and my little fountain hood will turn out all right even though I didn't join the ends correctly on the circular needle. Oh I did it correctly according to the directions I googled, but it wasn't Kathleen's way and therefore there's a slight problem with it that I wouldn't have if I'd trusted my memory of how she told me to do it. See, I did remember correctly, I just didn't trust my memory. Usually that works best for me because I have the absolute worst memory on planet earth. So that advice was good and I'll do it her way next time. But I'm really struggling with the hood on the circular needle. It is very difficult for me to get the unworked stitches off the cable and back onto the wooden needle points. It's exactly like trying to work a size 4 stitch onto a size 6 needle. The needle is too big or the stitch is too small, whichever you please. But I've never knitted in the round before so maybe this is always the way it is. Anyway I'm not having any fun knitting the hood. Not yet. I haven't given up and started over again. I'm persevering. I'm sticking with the plan. Oh yes, I paid my car registration today too although I couldn't put the cash in the bank because, as I said earlier, the bank was closed. That means I must go out again tomorrow to make the deposit. The thing is (with the registration fee) I've had the cash for the registration for over a month stashed away in a safe place. I was thinking my registration was due in December (that was the caddy) but I happened to think about it today and looked it up and wouldn't you know it, it was due YESTERDAY which means that I had to pay a $24 late fee for one lousy day. Go figure!! Also I had an executive board meeting to attend tonight at 7:30 and I remembered it at 7:35! Then about 8:00 I remembered it was Wednesday and I had forgotten to take my walk! Again!!! Ever have one of those days??? So this has been how my day has gone. And on top of all that hubby needed a gazillion things today. I'd no more than get settled on the couch with my knitting and he'd ask me to get something for him or make something for him to eat or any little chore whatsoever. Now I'm not complaining. I know he can't help it. He can't do things for himself when he can't walk, now can he? No he can't and I fully realize that but the "service with a smile" tends to darken with use. Before I knew it I found myself gritting my teeth every time he asked me to get him something.

I just wanted to sit and knit today. To lose myself in yarn overs and purls and feel the soft pull of the yarn through my fingers. But my knitting today was not relaxing or satisfying because I'd no more than pick it up and then I'd have to lay it aside to do something else. Pick it up. Lay it aside. Pick it up. Lay it aside. That's how it went all day.

My house is a fright right now. There's so much that needs to be done and I don't have the ambition to do even the smallest chore. I just want to knit. Which is what I should be doing now, undisturbed and thankful. But here I sit complaining in my blog. My blog that no one reads any more which is partly my fault but who's pointing fingers. Where was I? Oh, yeah, all I wanted to do was sit and knit today and relax to the feel of one needle gliding across the other. It's very soothing to knit and if you're the least bit stressed you should give knitting a try. But don't try to do it with a hubby who can't walk and do things for himself. The two don't mix. Water and oil. Okay I've complained enough. It's just that it was such a weird day. Nothing turned out right and nothing went according to plan. I feel like I've lived someone else's life today. All that aside, let me thank you for praying for hubby (and me). His leg (and my attitude) definitely need it. And I'll ask you to please continue to remember us in your prayers. Hubby's leg seemed a bit better today. Still swollen. Still red. Still very, very painful. I just need to cope. That's where your prayers come in. Yes, thank you for praying for us, especially hubby. He's the one in pain. Well we're both in pain but his is physical. Mine's only mental. But I still need prayer. Weird day. A really weird day. And I am in an equally weird mood. I'm sorry. I think I'll go knit for awhile and then go to bed. It's after midnight as it is. I wish I could just click my heels together and my house would be clean. Ginny talked about her laundry piled high and muddy boots on the porch. I don't have the muddy boots but I sure have the laundry that needs to be done. Tomorrow will be a better day. I will get up and get to work and get my chores and errands taken care of before I sit down to knit. And I will get to that laundry that I've said I was going to take care of every day this week. That and the vacuum. I'm going to go knit.

Prayer Request

We have been very busy around here for the past few weeks. It all started simply enough. A couple weeks ago I noticed hubby's leg was swollen from the knee down to his toes. I suspected a possible blood clot and took him to the emergency room. They did a sonogram and failed to find a clot so he was sent home with instructions to wear an orthopedic stocking and keep his leg elevated because one could still form. As the days went by the swelling decreased except around his knee. And hubby began experiencing a worsening of the pain. Seemed that every day it hurt him more and more. I took him to his doctor and he ordered another sonogram to make sure a clot had not formed since the first sonogram. Again there was no clot but there was a build up of fluid in the area. His doctor ordered an MRI of the knee and we got those results this morning at 8:15. Seems that he has a cyst up inside his knee joint that is pressing on all the nerves and vessels in that area. Which as we all know is a very tender area. On top of the cyst is the fact that he needs a full joint replacement on that knee. He has "severe" deterioration of the bones and other arthritic problems. Right now, of course, the problem is mostly the cyst because it's bulging and literally making it feel like his knee is going to explode. I noticed tonight that his right leg is discolored, like if you put a rubber band around your finger and watch it turn red, so I know his circulation is not normal in that leg, the cyst is pressing on the vessels, restricting blood flow. He has been referred to an orthopedic surgeon but that can take up to a week here where we live. We love living up here in the foothills but things happen at such a slower pace up here. If we lived down in the Valley, he'd probably be scheduled for surgery by now. So I'm asking all of you to please pray from my hubby. Pray that the cyst goes down and releases the pressure in his knee which will lesson his pain a great deal. Pray also that he gets in to see the surgeon as soon as possible (like tomorrow) and that they get this thing properly taken care of. A knee replacement is a major thing to contemplate but if it has to be done then it has to be done. Hubby is quite a bit older than I am and at 78 this will be no easy operation for him to endure. He just had spinal neck surgery on August 24th. Since then he seems to have one problem after another. The surgery appears to have gone well but he's prone to spasms in his neck and shoulder muscles. Please pray also for that. Pray that God will work into this a wonderful blessing. (If anyone can do it, God can.) Pray that he gets on top of this pain and the disorder in his life and that in some way this will draw him back to God and to church. This is a hardship for me also in that I'm not able to be away from him for more than a few minutes at a time because he needs so much help getting around. I picked up a walker for him today and that has helped immensely. He can get around so much better using it instead of the two canes he was trying to use. Pray that it won't get so bad that I'll need to call for an ambulance to take him to the ER. We almost went that route last night. Obviously he had a terrible night last night. He was simply beside himself with pain and he couldn't get into any position that would lessen the pain at all. So please pray that he will sleep well and get rested.

I'm still walking 3 days a week and I got all my yarn and projects organized in the spare room. It looks a lot better in there I must say. And for an added bonus I know where everything is, yea!!

I'm not really writing a blog tonight. I just wanted to let you know about the latest events. Oh, please pray for me too. I may be a lot younger than hubby but I have my limitations too. I can no longer pick people up and move them around the way I used to do when I worked as a paramedic on ambulances. And I tire more easily than I used to. Thank you for reading my blog and thank you in advance for your prayers for us. I wish this weren't happening so near Christmas. We may not have the Christmas we'd like to have if the resolution to all these problems doesn't happen for a few weeks. We'd like to get in and get it done so that he'll be able to enjoy the holidays. He was able to attend his ship's reunion in Reno in September just a couple weeks after his neck surgery and just before this latest problem cropped up so he was blessed in that way. Until next time...

Why Is It?

Why is it I always feel the need to write when I should be putting everything in order and getting myself into bed? Guess that's when things weigh on my mind. Things like the need to add a little exercise into my lumpy life. Since I took up knitting again a couple years ago (gee, has it really been that long! that wasn't meant to be a question) I have become less and less active and more and more a growing lump on my end of the couch! What's the matter with me? Didn't I feel great when I used to walk 6 miles a day? Yes, however now I whine such things as: Oh it's too hot to walk; or, Oh it's too cold to walk; or, any other of a million excuses I can come up with when pressed. So I have been thinking that I need to add a little exercise to my life. I can never stick with an exercise routine (my yoga mat I got two years ago for my birthday has never been unrolled) but I was able to stick with walking everyday (back then!) and, as I remember, I even looked forward to my time with the Lord. (I always talked with the Lord while I pounded the pavement. I didn't really pray. It was much more like just talking and I'm sure the people in the cars going passed me, thought I was insane talking to myself like that! Ah, if they only knew Who I was talking with, that would wipe that smirk off their faces. The God of heaven and earth! The Almighty Sovereign Lord of the universe! The King of kings! The Creator! God!) Where was I, oh yes, I need to start adding exercise back into my life (now that winter's right around the corner and it's going to be so tempting to whine about the cold) and the best exercise I can think of and will continue with, is walking. I've got some good shoes and I have plenty of clothes to layer on so I have no excuse, right. (Oh give me time. I'll come up with one.) Anyway I've been thinking about walking again for the past couple weeks. Then Sunday at church we were asked to take some flyers and distribute them around town. I thought that was right up my alley as it would get me out walking again. I could certainly canvas my neighborhood and then maybe I could just keep walking even after all the flyers were gone. So I did good. I took 35 flyers and wrote on the map that I would do the 2 blocks around my home. Yesterday, I was charged and managed to do a million things including walking around with the flyers. Only thing is I ran out of them long before I ran out of houses. So last night at knitting group I went upstairs to the sanctuary and picked up a big handful of flyers. (64 flyers! Yes, I counted) Today I meant to finish my 2 blocks and hit a few apartment complexes before going home. However one thing led to another today and the only thing I got accomplished was my bed and a nice long nap on the couch. Shame on me! But I have hopes for tomorrow. I'm going to get out there and walk and then I'm going to keep right on walking all winter long (except when it rains - now watch this be the wettest year on record) and shed a few pounds or at least feel a little better. When I finish with these flyers I'll go pick up more and walk again on Friday to distribute them. I'm hoping that by then I will be "in the habit" of walking and can keep it up. Sounds like a plan doesn't it? You see, that's the only negative I can find about knitting: You can't knit very well while walking. (Although my friend Ginny can knit quite well while she's walking, carrying her baby on her back!!) And if you knit as much as I do, you turn into a vegetable rather quickly. I know this to be a fact because it has happened to me. I have turned into a couch potato with a pair of knitting needles in its hands. But I am determined to turn over a new leaf. I will resolve not to knit until after I've walked if I must but I will start walking again. Nothing like 6 miles a day I can assure you but anything will be better for me than nothing. I will work up to an hour a day. That will be my goal. That's not hard. It really isn't. All you have to do is walk for 30 minutes then turn around and walk home. You can even walk the same route home if you want. You don't have to have a course to walk! Will I shoot for every day? I don't know on that one. I'll start out with three times a week and see where I go from there. I have decided that this absolutely must happen. I sit waaaaay too much while knitting. Yes, and I believe I am literally knitting my life away. It is not healthy to sit all day long. The thing is, I know this, so why am I having to give myself a pep-talk here? Because I'm weak. Because I'm spoiled and have grow lazy. Okay. I have my mind made up. I will start walking starting tomorrow. (Wait a minute, didn't I actually start yesterday? Yes, but I had not resolved to do so. And now I have.)

I'm going to start making a list every night of chores I need or want to do "tomorrow." I used to do this all the time and it really works for me. Yesterday is proof of that. I had 12 things on my list to do and I did all 12 of them. That's such a great feeling to cross that chore off and pick out another one! I will do this with w-a-l-k at the top of my list. And until it gets really cold, I will try to do my walking first thing, like it's the most important part of my day. I can't think of a better way to start a day off than to have an hour's conversation with the Lord. I wonder how many calories you burn talking to God. Anyone ever stop and figure that out? Someone, somewhere probably has documented that praying burns X number of calories per minute or per hour. But I don't know who or where s/he documented it.

These decisions are monumental stages in my life. I wish I could explain how sedentary my life has become so you would understand their magnitudes. Making a list every night = 6.5 on the Richter Scale. Walking = 9.9 on the Richter Scale. These are big events in my life. To me anyway. There's no way for you to feel the ground shaking the way it's shaking under me right now. But I resolve to do these two things. Do them right away and do them until they become second nature to me. Do them until a day without them would be hugely disappointing.

Another thing. I resolve to organize my knitting. This is a huge step for me too. My corner of the spare room is piled almost to the ceiling with skeins of yarn. Some full skeins, some partial skeins, and some just scrap. I am determined to get in there before this week is over and organize everything. I have boxes of balls of yarn and I have dozens of balls of yarn that have no boxes. Everything is just piled in there on top of itself. It's sort of layered though, I noticed that tonight when I was in there looking for a finished neckwarmer I had knit. On the very bottom is a layer of balls of yarn all in various stages of use and a few projects that I've started but haven't yet finished. On top of that is a layer of plastic bags and shirt boxes of finished projects. On the floor is the huge plastic bag that holds two afghans for Christmas presents (I think I'm safe here, I don't think they read my blog). But then on top of the layer of finished projects is another layer of jumbled up mess of balls of yarn, some new, some partially used. Then on top of them are more finished projects and then on top of that are several shipping boxes that are filled with new balls of beautiful yarn. I even have the project I bought them for, written right on the KnitPicks label! These are my treasures just waiting to be crafted into beautiful things. Mostly scarves and warmers and baby blankets (no I don't know anyone who is expecting) that will someday go to the hospital for babies along with the dozen or so baby hats I knitted last year. Now pretend you are really, really big and you have this equally big spoon in your hand. Now pretend you are stirring this mess. That, my friends, is what my knitting corner of the spare room looks like. It will take a full day to organize this mess but I vow to do it before the week is out! I will be determined because it really, really needs to be done and it will give hubby one less thing to nag me about. No, he doesn't really nag me. He just says things like, "We've got to get that room cleaned out." He says we but he doesn't mean we, he means me. That's the way he nags at me. we've got to do this or we've got to do that. And for some reason that really grates on my nerves. But I know it will please him immensely if I organize that area of the room. What I need are big plastic tubs in which I can organize all the different components of my "pile." (And it really is a pile, I'm so ashamed to say.) I mean, there's a desk in there somewhere, you just can't see it. And somewhere in that mess is all my Christmas wrapping paper and bows. Actually the bows are on top of the pile for some reason. They're in an opened shoebox, laying on it's side with bows spilling out onto my baby hats. When I was rummaging in there earlier this evening looking for that warmer, I saw the bows. I also found knitted things that I had forgotten I knitted. Yes, it's time to buckle down and do the deed. But how am I going to organize it without big plastic tubs to put stuff in? (There's really no answer to that question and I wasn't look for an answer. There is no answer.) Well, I will just get in there and do the best I can. Isn't that my mantra: I will do the best I can? Yes, this will please hubby. And it will also prevent me from having to go in there and rummage around looking for something. Yarn will be with yarn. Completed project will be with other completed projects. Works in progress will all be together in one place so I can see them and actually might even decide to finish them!

So anyway, how's that workin' for ya...

A Fresh Start

I know it's been a long while since I've posted on my blog but I wanted to give it another try. I don't know how often I'll post or exactly what I'll write about but I'm going to try again. I have been asked to give the congregational prayer at church on Sundays about every two and a half or three months and since I write them out beforehand so that I will have a record of these prayers, I thought I might copy those, if nothing else. I do want my blog to slant toward Christian topics and Christian living as that's what my life is wrapped around. Also there's the fact that we don't really do interesting things very often. We rarely go anywhere to speak of or do anything really exciting to write about. I did figure out how to put pics in my blog before taking my sabbatical but I've since forgotten how I did it. I have the instructions written down somewhere and maybe I can dig those out and send pics once in awhile. Yesterday, my granddaughter gave me a couple beautiful pics of her and her new hubby at their wedding back in August. When I figure out how to do that again I'll have hubby scan the pictures into his computer and then send them to me. (I don't have a scanner on my computer and he does.) Then I can post those on my blog.

Speaking of computers, mine has been down for a couple months. I really missed it. The first few days without it was awful. I don't think we realize just how much time we spend sitting at the computer! I know I didn't. Turned out my video card was bad. My son had a spare one in his drawer at home that worked on my computer and so he came over yesterday and installed it. Now I am up and running again. He is so good with computers and so gracious to offer to fix mine on his day off.

I went to a jewelry party yesterday afternoon after church. It was at my granddaughter's house out in the middle of nowhere. She's only about 35 miles away, maybe 20 as the crow flies, but the last 30 miles seem to take forever. She actually lives in Ione or Lake Comanche but it is desolate out there. It took me about 45 mins each way so I put a few miles on the car and time on my bottom end. This is the fourth jewelry party I've been to (counting my own) and I have spent entirely too much money on jewelry. But the jewelry is so beautiful and I do love my jewelry. I never get dressed in the morning without putting on my jewelry for the day. I just feel naked without it. But I really did get carried away especially considering it's very expensive jewelry. And it's costume jewelry at that! But I got several beautiful necklaces and 3 or 4 pairs of earring. Yesterday I bought a simple pair of pearl posts or studs and a turquoise and silver necklace. I really go in for the bling. I like lots and lots of beads and shells and stones and chains and anything else they can sting into a necklace. And I love multiple strands! It's lia sophia jewelry I've been buying and I had no business buying so much of it. But I got it at such great deals. $128 necklaces for only $20! Can't beat that. So before I knew it, I'd gone completely overboard and now I'm having the worst case of guilt!!! I bought like I was a glutton sitting down to an 8-course dinner affair. Shame on me!

Michael (usually referred to here as "hubby") had surgery on his neck in late August and things just haven't quite picked up for him yet. I actually think the surgery itself did a lot of good. It's just that he has so many other problems that have surfaced since the surgery that he finds it difficult to think of many positives in his life right now. He's still wearing his neck brace and I think he's getting very tired of it. He sees his surgeon in a couple weeks and I'm hoping he'll tell him that he doesn't need to wear it any longer because I think a lot of his pains are caused by him adjusting and guarding for the brace. He takes it off occasionally but he still compensates for it by keeping his neck and shoulders very rigid and tight. I think he's afraid his head is going to fall off and that's what the plate is in there to prevent. They implanted a 3-1/2 inch plate in his neck to stabilize those three or four vertebrae so he shouldn't need to "protect" or guard his neck as much as he does.

Fall is happening around us. I can't believe it's almost November. Thanksgiving! Then December and Christmas. Where have the months gone??? Trees are turning all over town and when I drive around to go to the store or the Post Office, there are always leaves blowing across the road in front of my car. The nights are cooler but the afternoons still get a tad bit too warm. I'm sure hoping for a wet winter this year to end the drought. Halloween is this coming weekend. It's usually raining lightly on Halloween night. Pepper and I will stay in the back of the house while hubby stays in the front to hand out candy to any trick-or-treaters who come calling. I don't think we had any come last year at all. If we did it wouldn't have been more than just a couple.

The curl is coming out of my hair. You'll remember that all my hair fell out over a year ago and when it came in, it came in curly and I absolutely loved it. It was a breeze to keep looking nice and was very easy to take care of. Everyone loved it, especially me!! Now it is almost as straight as a board. I am devastated to lose the curl I waited my entire life to have. When it came in curly, I really thought it was worth all those months of growing it back. In fact, I would have shaved my head if I'd known it would come back curly but now? Now I'm totally disappointed. I really am!

I'm still knitting but I'm knitting at a more relaxed pace. Lately I've been knitting neckwarmers (officially called neck cuffs but everyone says neckwarmers). I knitted several. Gave away5 or 6 to family members and then knitted 5 or 6 more to have on hand to sell should any of my sisters' golfing buddies want to buy one to wear on those cold, early morning tee offs. I figured I could sell them at $10 each and make a little money so that I could buy more yarn from KnitPicks. I've started a vest (really just a sleeveless sweater, not your typical vest) but I had to put it aside for the neckwarmers. I also needed to order more yarn as I didn't order quite enough the first time. I order most of my yarn from KnitPicks. They have great yarn and the very best knitting needles on the market today! If you're a knitter and you haven't checked them out, please go online (http://www.knitpicks.com/, I think) and check them out. I bought a double set of the wooden harmony needles and a variety of interchangeable cable sizes. And then they came out with the clear Zephyr needle points and I fell head over heels in love with them. I have a complete set now and will probably buy double needles of the most popular sizes. That should permit me to knit without having to move my points around so much. And when I knit in the round I'll use both the Zephyr and harmony needle points to make it easier to differentiate between the two needles. I still have the yarn for several more scarves that I want to do this winter. I'm also going to buy a few skeins from my friend Kathleen to use to make another scarf. She ordered it and didn't like the color and I'm crazy about the color. So rather than her sending it back, she'll sell it to me. I know just what pattern I want to use too. I actually have the yarn to do at least 3 of them. I'm not sure what I'll do with all of these scarves but knitting them will be fun. Kathleen and I are also going to knit ourselves matching hoods (not that we really wanted to match each other it's just that we both liked the same pattern and we both liked the same color yarn). The pattern was in a book I bought from KnitPicks which was just packed with wonderful patterns (so unlike the latest book I bought on scarves). I didn't find a single scarf in that book that I would want to knit. The blurb about the book said they were new and "original" designs. But it failed to mention that they were all ugly at the same time! Guess that's the risk you take when you buy books online. The first book I bought was titled Luxury Yarn One-Skein Wonders and apart from the fact that I haven't yet found one of them that could be knit with just one skein, all 40 designs were worth knitting. Of course, I didn't buy the luxury yarn. I simply substituted one of KnitPicks wonderful yarns and knitted away. That's what I like so much about knitting. It is so versatile. [For some reason that spelling bothers me but spell checker says there's nothing wrong with it. I apologize if my checker is in error.]

I think I have you about caught up with the things that are going on in our lives at the current time. I was going to post a prayer today too but I think I'll save that for tomorrow or the next day. There's no hurry. I wanted to catch you up with what we're doing and I don't want to write a really long blog. I do plan on continuing my blog in a more routine manner but I'm simply not planning on posting it nearly as often as I have in the past. If you check back every week or so, chances are you'll catch them all as they come out. When I was writing them every day, it was not only time consuming for me to write them but was equally time consuming for my readers to read them. Then as you well know, I took a sabbatical for a few months and now here I am, ready to go at it again but at a much slower pace. So I will leave you with this: May God bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and may He guide your steps toward godly living. May He shower His grace upon you and may you learn to trust Him in all things and may everything you do bring glory to Him and Him alone.

Trying to Update

It has been ages since I've written a blog and now that I want to, I'm not sure I can because all my blog addresses were on my firefox (or foxfire) engine. So I'm writing this just to see if it will show up on my blog. Hopefully I'll be able to do this. I ask God to bless you today.

Nothing Special

Another day; another blog. Actually it has been awhile since I've blogged so it's not like I'm constantly writing blogs. I don't have anything special to write about just the daily events that eventually comprise my life. We had a few really hot days a couple weeks ago but this past week has cooled off considerably. I think yesterday's high was in the low 90s and it's been dipping down into the 40s at night. Perfect weather! I love it getting so low at night. I sleep so much better when the bedroom is cold. I just snuggle down under the comforter and sleep like a baby.

I went to a Fourth of July party across the river and had hamburgers and a perfect seat for the fireworks display at the Junior High school. Their back patio was big and long and the earth just dropped away from their low cement fence and we had a totally unobstructed view of the fireworks. I had a really nice time. Both my sisters were there too. It was nice to get out for a change. I'm not socially bent as fate would have it. It just seems that I usually have nothing to say that isn't about my life with the Lord and so when I'm around nonbelievers, I don't talk much. But 99% of my life is wrapped up in that relationship and my subsequent church activities. I pray for my sisters but they just don't think they need God in their lives at all. So sad.

I have not had Pepper put down. I ran into and unlikely crusader for him when I mentioned my plans to my hubby. He didn't want me to put him down. He wanted me to give another month of thought to it. He's really attached to him, just as I am. But I hadn't realized hubby was that attached. So when we did our shopping for July, I went ahead and purchased another month's worth of dog food. And of course now I'm having second thoughts myself. I really wish we didn't have him but at the same time I'm in love with the little creep!! I had my mind so made up and now I'm all confused again.

My Bible reading is going quite steadily. So far I haven't missed a day or missed a portion of the material. I confess I skimmed a little when I worked my way through Chronicles, and if you've ever read First and Second Chronicle, you'll understand why. Job started out a boring chore but then I really got into it and I enjoyed my time reading it, especially yesterday (which I stayed up and read last night before going to bed - I almost forgot). But there are some beautiful verses in Job and overall it was well worth reading. As I said, I ended up enjoying it. I read Job all the way through a few months back and had found it boring then too. But by the time I got past chapter 20, I was really enjoying it. Much of it went right to my heart. The Sovereignty, Suffering, and Punishment. What's fair and what's unfair. Did Job deserve to have this happen to him? He was one of the good guys. So many others had to have been better suited and more deserving of this type of suffering. What exactly is God doing with Job anyway? Basically it all boils down to God's sovereignty to do as he pleases with His own creation. When we behave or live righteously we are not doing anything special; we're just doing as we ought to do. We don't give awards to people who do what they are supposed to do and neither does God. The thing to remember is that even in suffering we are to seek the Person of God. To love Him. To worship Him. Why? Because He deserves it. He is worthy of our love and worship. We are not worth the dirt we stand on and anything God gives us is an unmerited gift from the Father, Son, Holy Spirit! We are to love Him. The Persons of God regardless to what is happening in our lives. Things are rough and hard to deal with? Love God. When our struggles have mounted to painful peaks, we are to remember that we are receiving nothing more than what we deserve and are to love God just the same. Our love is for HIM. Not for anything He gives us or does for us but for Him who IS worthy of praise and love and worship and adoration. Even in the midst of great suffering we are to love God regardless of our circumstances.

God is omnipotent and sovereign. We must never forget that. We are called to love Him even when we don't understand Him. Poor Job! He had no answer to his many questions of Why me? And God never gave him an explanation either. Job's little pity party was him thinking he hadn't done anything to deserve such horrible suffering. But then Job comes to an understanding: That is that "though You slay me, I will love You still." Do we say that when things go wrong for us? Do we say, God, I'm going to love you even if you kill me? That's what Job realized. God has the right and responsibility to deal with us as He chooses. And we are to love him. No matter what's going on in our lives at each moment, we are to love Him with all our being. He is worthy of such adoration. Whereas we are worthy only of death. We are the ones who broke the covenant. We are the ones who went astray. We are the ones who thought ourselves better than we are. We are the imperfect, the flawed, the sinners. No matter how much suffering we endure in this life we are getting nothing more than what we deserve. So the next time you go though some rough times, stop and think about Job. Think of what we are: filthy rags. And praise God that He loves you anyway. Even while undergoing excruciating anguish God love us, and we are to love Him for who He is. And we must remember that God is worthy.

That phrase, "God is worthy" has such incredible depth for me. For some reason that one word "worthy" seems to mean more to me than to most people I know. I don't know why that's so but I tend to think that it does. When I am with people and I mention that God is worthy it just seems to be another word to them. The thing that gets me is the realization that God IS God and as God He could be any kind of God he chooses to be. He could choose to be a bad God. But He doesn't. He could choose to mistreat us, but He doesn't. He could choose to make every moment of our lives miserable, but He chooses to love us instead. He didn't have to make food taste good. Or He could have created food that tastes good but given us tongues without taste buds. He could have chosen to have roses smell so beautifully and then given us noses without the ability to smell. He didn't have to give us eyes capable of distinguishing color. Or He could have created this colorful world for His own pleasure, and given it to us as black and white. He didn't have to give us music, fragrance, laughter, love, sex, beauty. But He did. What an awesome God! A God so worthy of our love and worship and adoration. May we fall flat on our faces the next time we talk to Him and show Him that He is indeed worthy! He is worthy of it all. So the next time you hear someone say that God is worthy, think back and realize all that it means. And may the phrase "God is worthy" mean so much more to you from now on.

I am looking forward to Fall now. Summer is just now here and already I am looking forward to Fall. Ugh! Fall would mean leaves to rake and burn. Boo, hiss I forgot about that. Oh well, a little work is good for me. And our yard is certainly not a large yard. We just have a very big oak tree that shelters our entire back yard and it produces leaves three feet deep (or it seems that way). I was looking forward to being able to walk anywhere in my yard and not have to worry about stepping on a little doggy snake. Landmines. Messes. Pooders! Yes, I still want to put Pepper down but it will hurt so much to do it. It's like he trusts me to love him and care for him and I would be breaking that trust to put him down. The thing is, he's not suddenly going to stop snapping. He's not suddenly going to stop throwing a fit every time someone comes to our door. And, oh, my, perish bringing company into his house! Everything we do revolves around that dog. Where we go, when we go, how long we stay, etc., etc. My granddaughter's wedding is next month. What are we going to do about being gone so long? Will I have messes to clean up by time we get home. The cats are no problem. A bowl of water, a bowl of dry cat food, and a litter box and they are set for even overnight. Not so with the dog.

I'm still knitting on my yellow baby afghan. It's taking a little longer for some reason. One very good reason is that I keep making stupid mistakes and then have to rip out all my work and fix the problem and then reknit back to where I had been. I worked on the afghan all day yesterday and got about a foot done but by evening I was ready to knit something else. I almost decided to knit another dishcloth just for something else to do but I already have so many. I also thought about knitting another baby hat but I've already got a dozen of them! So I continued on with the afghan. I did get Jamie's red, summer scarf done night before last. I had such a small amount left to knit that I just decided to sit and finish it. I bought a bunch of cotton yarn last week because there was something I wanted to knit with cotton and can you believe it? I can't remember what I was going to knit. I wanted white yarn for some reason and I just can't remember what that reason was! Frustrating. Very frustrating.

This hasn't been much of a blog but it will have to do. Don't forget to leave a comment so I'll know it's being read. I'll make it easy on you, all you have to do is send your name. You don't have to come up with any words to write. Just let me know you visited. Thanks. And until next time, love the Lord regardless of what's going on in your lives. Love Him and give Him the honor He deserves.