The Vast Divide

When we picture Jesus as our bridge to God, it is natural to think of all the things that stand in the gap between us. There are many things that cut us off and separate us from the Almighty Father. Therefore, let's look at three illustrations that picture for us the barriers between us and God.

First, we are separated by height. The Bible speaks of the Father as "Most High," and Scripture describes Him as being "high and lifted up." He is way above creation and totally unhindered by space, time, or gravity. Therefore He says, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways" (Isa 55:9). Without a doubt, God is higher than us.

Next, we are separated by distance. Moses experienced God through a burning bush but even in that holy moment he was warned not to come too close (Ex 3:5). Later, when the Israelites had built the tabernacle and the temple, they were warned by God, not to enter into the Holy of Holies except for a specific time each year when the High Priest was allowed in under strict circumstances. There is a distance that exists between God and man that simply cannot be breached. And well that we are shielded for it would be impossible to venture closer and yet still live.

Third, we are separated by light and fire. We know that staring into the sun can cause blindness and getting too close to a fire will burn us. In a similar way, as I alluded to earlier, we know that if we stand in the pure presence of our Holy God we might be consumed (Deut 4:24).

Why did the Messiah leave heaven and come to earth? He came because only the perfect, sinless Son of God could stand in the Father's presence. But through Christ our Savior we gain entrance and can share His intimacy with Father God.

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Another weekend has gone by. They seem to go by so fast any more. Frightening really if we think on it too long. We have such a limited time span in which to live our lives for the Glory of God. And we have but one life to live. It is so important that we not lose track of the time and waste it away rather than glorifying His Eternal Greatness.

I have a friend, another blogger, that I check on every day, for she has been enduring one the most agonizing aspect of our humanity. Her husband died six months ago. They had a wonderful relationship and a wonderful marriage and family. We wonder why tragedy visits us if we are truly God's children. Why He doesn't protect us from all harm. And why He leaves us to walk this walk this way. Oh, if we could see beyond the veil for just an instant we might see the answers to the questions we lament and anguish over. We would perhaps see a time and a place through our tears where there are no longer tears of any sort allowed. A place where true peace abides. In His glorious Presence. In His glorious garden where flowers bloom eternally and the river of life runs continuously. If we could but reach that place we think we'd do so much better. But as I assured my friend this morning, she will not grieve a moment longer than she is meant to. Our days are ordained of God. He places the boundaries and the borders and while we are allowed to go right up to them, we are not permitted to venture past the veil until it becomes our time too to pass beyond that point. Being left behind hurts. I want so much to reach out and take away her pain but her days are all written, sorted, and labeled in the Book of Life. Surely she feels that if he can't come back to her maybe she could step up to him but God says, No, it's not your turn yet. Time is such an agonizing thing. There's always too much of it; or sadly not enough of it. So I pray for God's guidance for her and I pray that in His loving mercy she might make it through another day. Another endless day. For that is what it must feel like: one long, continuous day without end. Lord, let Your peace fill her broken heart today while You hold her in Your arms, allowing her to make the connection once again to her Source of strength. Build her up with your strength so that she can be there for her children. Why on earth would You say it's the right thing at the right time? There were children to raise, a mate to fulfill, a life too quickly ended, and for that my heart is heavy today. I cry for Heather as she struggles through just another day of agony, just another day of sorrow, just another day of a grief-filled moments so palpable she can reach out and touch them. Why Lord? Why Eric? Why now? When will this devastation of her world resolve itself? So many questions, Lord. And there's only one answer: You willed it.

Now on to something less painful my cat. Mulder, my cat, has lost so much weight recently. I'm very concerned about it. He seems hungry all the time but never eats much when I put a plate before him. He's constantly trying to climb up my legs seeking something and I haven't been able to determine what exactly. I got the idea yesterday that maybe he has a bad tooth or something because he's not eating the crunchies I keep out at all times. I mean, maybe there is a physical reason he's lost weight and it's not just that it's summer. All my cats lose weight in the summertime. I don't know why. They just do. But this feels like it's more than that. So finally last night I got the idea that I need to feed him more than once a day. So before bed I gave him some leftover pork and he managed to eat it as long as I kept the pieces cut really small. Then I gave him a bowl of milk and he drank about half of it. This morning I opened a can of human tuna and he just about ate the entire can (he was in heaven as people tuna is his favorite of all time treat). I may have to scrounge up the money and to take him to the vet and have his teeth checked to see if maybe he has a bad tooth or something. But it's always difficult with my animals. I know full well that I have been called to a life of poverty and that's fine. I don't mind. For me. But I hate it when it comes to my animals. It's not their fault that I can't afford to take care of them the way they should be taken care of. But I will watch Mulder a lot closer as he eats and I'll make sure that he's eating enough by feeding him several times a day. I always just thought his climbing was him demanding attention but maybe it's been hunger all this time. Oh, I feel like such a dunce. Why does it sometimes take so long for the possibilities to "soak in" to my pea brain? Mulder has been an indoor cat since he was about 3 months old and that was about seven years ago. He was out of the last litter so I know his age. This isn't just old age problems. He escaped once a year or two ago and managed to stay "lost" for nine days. I went out several times a day and called him over and over again. A few times we heard him meowing but by time I got outside he was always gone. But since finding him and bringing him back home he's had no desire to go outside at all. He learned his lesson well. So I have history with this cat. I will watch him more closely and feed him more often and see how he does. I can't stand the thought that all this time he might have just been hungry! Duh!!! So far today he has had two meals already. I'm such a dunce.

The last two days have been really, really uncomfortable weatherwise. It's been hot and muggy. Saturday the air was so heavy you could almost cut it with a knife. I thought I was going to die. Then Sunday, yesterday, the humidity wasn't as bad but the temp was even higher than the day before. We got up to 109 yesterday and I burned my hand on the car door handle just trying to get inside. We had Diana's funeral yesterday afternoon. I'm glad she didn't linger and die of some painful malady. I don't know what the autopsy will show but more than likely it was her heart. Mark went by to check on her and found her dead on the laundry room floor. But she will be sorely missed at church. She was quite a humble servant. Doing her volunteering in areas others wouldn't serve. The ones behind the scenes where there was no recognition of her efforts. Librarian. Prayer chain coordinator. Sunday School teacher. Funny thing, I had always thought we were about the same age but she was 16 years older than me. She aged well, either that or I'm aging badly. Maybe both.

I'm very proud of myself. I got all my morning chores done before I started blogging today. Yea, for me! It's amazing how little effort it takes to keep a house looking good when you set your mind to it. But it is not good for a Christian woman to let her house go. My house is not my house. My house belongs to the Lord and it's important that I take good care of it. Whatever I do toward the upkeep of this house, I do unto the Lord. This is Jesus' house 100% of the time and I need to remember that. The thing is, I've always known this. Why has it taken me so long to be obedient? That's the question. It's not why did I get so lazy there for awhile? But, why did I go through such a long phase of sloth and sin? It was pure and simple disobedience on my part. I believe my hands and feet are God's hands and feet. Do I? I mean, do I really recognize that fact? Yes. Then why was my disobedience allowed to take over for so long? I don't know. It just seemed like it took me such a long time because I couldn't get my act together. I needed my list of daily/weekly chores. Which is silly, because you can actually start this system with total chaos and in a week's time have it back into the shape it should be in. That's what's so marvelous about this method of housekeeping. You never have to do any more than one day's worth of chores every day and within a week, everything is done the way it should be and it will stay that way as long as I continue to keep up with it each day. Some days are harder than other days but it's designed that way because some days I have more energy than other days. Mondays are always hard for me so rather than fight the system, I intentionally made Monday a lighter chore day except twice a month when I vacuum the furniture.

I have been invited to a luncheon on Thursday but I'll need to line up a ride because my car would never make it. It's too far. My car would over heat way before I could get there. So I'm going to need to call around and find someone with whom I can ride. Thursday will be a pot luck and I think I'll make a macaroni salad. Dessert and drinks will be furnished but we'll each be bringing a dish. Hopefully someone has some really good dishes to bring along so we won't end up with all salads. But you know, I think most of us could make do on salads and be just fine. Evelyn's salad she served at the last luncheon makes my mouth water just thinking about it. I can always eat salads. I'm trying to make myself get out and do more things. I tend to not get involved with groups because it's so hard for me to hear what's going on around me. But I need to get out more. I need to socialize more. So I'm planning on going Thursday.

My flowers are blooming beautifully in their planters hanging on the deck railing. Makes sitting out on the deck such a pleasure. But it's too hot out there to sit today. I need to get busy and fill the hummingbird feeder and then make a dash out to the Post Office. My granddaughter's birthday is in just a couple days so I need to get that card in the mail. I wouldn't want it to arrive too late. So I think I'm going to let this be it for today and get those things done because by the time I finish them, I will be ready for my nap. Isn't it wonderful to have your own nap? It's my nap. Just like it's my shower. Or it's my walk. I'm a bit possessive at times. Boy, this paragraph traveled a little distance there. Started out talking about my flowers and ended up discussing my possessiveness. Talk to you next time...

[Added on Edit: I am very troubled today. Very near tears several times. For some reason I think Heather's blog touched me more deeply today than it has other times. I just feel her pain on a deeper level today. I have lifted her up in prayer but nothing resolves this grief I feel. I want so much to put my arms around her and have a good old-fashioned cry session with her. I want to bear her pain for her today. To give her a rest. But I can't do that. Instead we grieve separately for the same sorrow. The truth is that I don't want her to ache today the way I know she is. And if I'm going to be miserable today, I may as well be miserable for the both of us. The thing is with Heather, her reality has changed forever. Things will never be okay as she has always known okay to be. Eric is gone. Nothing can ever make that okay again. Something inside of me wants to cry out about fairness. It isn't fair that Heather is suddenly alone with six children. It isn't fair that the other side of her bed is now empty. It isn't fair that her world has been turned upside down when she liked things just the way they were. It isn't fair that her heart is broken. It simply isn't fair that Eric died. Somehow it feels unfair when someone's trip into glory is taken at the expense of other hearts left behind. But then, did God ever promise us "fair" in the first place? I don't know. I'm pondering that question right now with you. Did God ever really promise us fairness? He's promised us justice and mercy. Surely justice reaps fairness, doesn't it? Or are they two separate things altogether? How can I hope to comfort my friend when I can't even comfort myself. If I dwell on Eric too long, my pain becomes my own. My life will never be okay again. Nothing over time has made my life okay since Rich's passing. Nothing over time ever will. Death is such a hard taskmaster. But you see? That's the thing about death. No one can get to heaven without having first died. Except for Enoch no one has ever gotten to heaven without passing through death's door. So if we wish the best for them, we must be willing to suffer the worst for ourselves. These are deep thoughts that humans can sometimes think. Does it mean we lack faith? Does it mean we're filled with doubt? I don't think so. I think it just means that we are human. Lord, take Heather into your arms and hold her for a little while. Let her feel your closeness as one feels the radiant heat of burning logs in the fireplace. Comfort her in all the ways I can't, for Father, You can heal from the inside out while even on my best days I can but cry for her. You alone can satisfy the ache she feels. But, see, the thing is I want her to know it doesn't get any easier but I don't want to be the one to have to tell her. Her life has forever changed. It doesn't get any better. Normal isn't normal anymore. I want her to know so she won't be hoping for it to get better ... waiting for normal to be normal again. I have walked my painful walk now for 20 years and I can still cry at the drop of a hat. I can still be startled when I think I hear his voice in a crowd. Right after Rich died I saw him everywhere. Everyone looked just like my son. One man I felt certain looked exactly like both my sons though they were so far apart. Ken, tall and fair. Rich, short and dark. But during those first months, maybe a year, I saw Richie everywhere. Once I was so sure I called out his name. You see; grief never really goes away. It only changes somewhat. It becomes more tolerable. But where our loss was in a heartbeat, our normal takes time to catch up, to fill in the hole that's been created in our lives. I want Heather to know all this but I don't want to tell her. There will come a day when she will speak his name and it won't bring tears to her eyes but there'll never be a day when she will not be aware of her loss. Even if she marries again. There will always be a hole in her life. It has taken me these past 20 years to learn these few things. I want to spare her the long lessons but she must learn them on her own. I want to grieve in her place but only she can live her own private grief. Lord, I lift up Heather to you right now. It's been six months. Soon it will be a year. Then two. Three. Four. It's like the day it finally came home to me that Rich was never coming back. I was standing at the sink and without thinking I cried out, "I've been good..." Meaning that I deserved to have him come back because I'd been good for however long it had been. I want to spare Heather all these lessons that I had to learn on my own. I want her to know but I don't want to be the bearer of bad news. I want to bear her grief but I can't do that. I want to spare her the hard lessons I had to learn alone. But I am helpless here. These are my frustrations that I share with you. Grief is never over. Grief is this thing that holds us up at times and lets us down at other times. Grief is her new reality and I don't want her to spend the next 20 years learning that fact. But I guess it takes us all time to learn life's lessons. Lord, ease her sorrow for today. Hold her up where I can't. Give her the inner assurance that You will always be there to hold her up. Let her know You are only a thought away.

Well, it has taken me all day to write this blog. Can you believe it? I keep going away from it and coming back to it. It's been a lot like pulling teeth today. To get a single thought out of my brain has taken incredible effort! Just thought I'd tell you so if it seems disjointed or malformed, you'll know why. There were so many things I wanted to write about but today just wasn't the day for it. I'll probably publish this and wish I could edit it all back out. Sorry. The pains of a writer are very similar to the pains of childbirth. Anyway, I don't know if I'll publish a post on Wednesday or not since it took me all day for this. Maybe I'll skip a day. We'll see how the week goes. ]