Monday, August 11, 2008

It's All Gone

[My hair, that is.] My computer has been down for two days. It was something my server had done for some reason. But today just happens to be K's day off (my son) and he dropped everything and came over and found the problem. Computers are really, really strange creatures. I just thank God that my son is so talented with computers. As my sister says: "Your son can do anything and everything on any computer." I hadn't realized my computer was down until I got suspicious late yesterday afternoon and decided to send an email out to my family group to see if they were all shunning me because I'm now bald (just joking! I just wondered why I hadn't gotten any email) and that's when I got a message back that I wasn't connected to the server. So anyway, praise God, I'm up and running again.

I wanted to thank everyone for their kind comments to my latest dilemma. Last night I decided to just cut off the hair on the very top of my head (two little areas about the size of a quarter each) and be done with it. Now it will grow out with the rest of my head. I had already cut it down to about an inch anyway so I just decided to bite the bullet last night. I took the scissors and just snipped it off level with the scalp. So now I'm as bald as a billiard ball on top. But I am very blessed because I still have bangs and the hair in front of my ears and the nape of the neck. So I have hair showing all around the bandanna. Just so the wind doesn't blow my bandanna up in the back. People will think I have a full head of hair under this scarf. Even so, now it will all grow out at the same time. That is, of course, if it comes back in. But everyone was so kind at church yesterday. I just wore my bandanna and if anyone asked or looked at me questioningly I told them my hair had fallen out and I showed several people and they were very sympathetic to me. And I confess, I had a few twinges of panic: "Lord, don't let me look stupid with this thing on?" But the panic went away in short order. No one was shocked or horrified. No one panicked or ran for the door. They all just calmly said they were sorry and I said not to worry about it, that my hair would grow back and that if it didn't come back, I would just get a wig or two. Which is exactly what I will do if my hair doesn't grow back. I'm trying to look at it this way: if it doesn't grow back, I will never again have to worry about what my hair looks like. I will never again make my husband wait to go somewhere while I redo my hair because it doesn't look just right. Never again will I need to get up an hour earlier to go somewhere just to get my hair washed, dried, and styled. I can actually see this as a form of liberation. I'm free and I don't ever have to worry about my hair again. Assuming it doesn't come back, of course. Wigs will give me the opportunity to try different colors if I should decide to be daring. So there really are pluses in this whole mess.

Anyway, Debra, thanks for visiting my blog again. I started writing a comment to your comment and then just decided to publish a short post on my blog. So if you haven't checked the comments section of my last post, you'll probably want to because I did write something there for you. But what I wanted to say is please don't cry for me. I appreciate your tears, but this is really no big deal. Honest. And I'm sure you were really much better about losing your hair than you think you were. I have gotten better about my hair in the last year or two. In fact I think God has been preparing me for this. Always before I was horrified if my hair was cut too short or left too long or not just so, when I went to my hairdresser. Hair was always such a big deal for me. I mean, a BIG DEAL!! I would have a fit if it didn't look just right. I wouldn't even try coloring it for fear that I'd end looking stupid. But the last couple years I've always had this feeling of, "Oh, well, it'll grow out." And I was able to be casual about my hair. I know that it was the Lord calming me down about my hair, preparing me for this. I mean, I was obsessed with my hair, a fanatic until just a year or so ago. But now it's really no big deal at all. I look fine with the bandanna on. People may wonder why I'm wearing a bandanna all the time, but I won't look bad. And if I cry about it it's just going to plug up my sinuses and make my face all blotchy.

My biggest problem is finding bandannas that look good with my clothes. Yesterday I had put on a black one with white designs and I was wearing a long dress with small pink/rose flowers on a barely noticeable black background because there are so many small flowers on the dress. I thought with the background being black, the black bandanna would look best. But I ended up taking it off and putting on the gray one with white and black accents and it looked better than the black one. The pattern designs didn't match at all but it just didn't look as over-powering as the black one had looked. So I wore that one even though the color didn't go with anything.

M (my hubby) has a doctor appointment again Thursday and I think I'll ride along and maybe look for some more bandannas in other colors. The thing is, none of them are going to "match" with my clothing, so I don't need a whole bunch of colors but I would like more than dark blue, gray, black, and lavender. I ought to just stick with the gray and forget about colors. It really doesn't matter what color I have on. I may have just talked myself out of going Thursday. I'm so fickle! I'll have my mind made up what I will do by Thursday. I hope. (I do this all the time!)

So for all my friends out there who read my blog, now that I've got my computer problem fixed, I will be I will be up and running tomorrow. Or at least that's my plans as of right now. Now that this disaster has been officially dealt with, I see no reason not to blog. I will be back with my short devotional and comments tomorrow or Wednesday, depending on how many things I get done today, things that need my attention, things that I've put off for a week. If I get everything addressed and taken care of, I'll be back to blogging tomorrow. Just happened to think that I have an Executive Board meeting Wednesday night, mustn't forget that. Well, they should have all seen me in my bandanna yesterday so there won't be any surprises there. It does feel strange, Debra, I admit; but it's not the worst thing that could have happened. If I have lost my hair permanently I'll just buy wigs and get rid of the bandannas. Like I said, I'll be able to even choose the color if I want to add a little excitement to my life. (M has put in an order for blond, ha!)

Well, my cats have all swarmed around me reminding me that it's feeding time. So I'm going to sign off for today and get that done. You see, my cats are all so smart, they can tell time. They know exactly when 4:00 rolls around. I think they all have little alarm clocks in their tummies and they go off at the appropriate time. But they went off a bit prematurely today though. Until next time stay close to the Lord and submit eagerly to His will for your life. We never know what He has planned for us until we do...


Debra said...

Hi Marj,
Of course I read your blog, it's on my favorites! My problem with the blood clot occured after the brain surgery. A clot did go to my lungs. As I say, I should be dead. Period. There is no reason for me to be sitting here with the sun shining, and crickets chirping out the window,enjoyng it. God decided it, and He promised it. On Oct. 10th I will post about it all, as that will be my 13th anniversary of the surgery.
So, I'm not on any blood thinner now, but I was for about 6 months after all that.
I think it's awesome you can see God's hand in this, and His preparation for you.
I don't know if you like to sew, but after my surgery I made a few bandannas out of pretty material. Since my baldness was in the cooler weather, I could wear berets to church. There really are lots of cute hats out there. You don't have to be stuck on bandannas (which are fine, but I'm saying you have other choices).
When I was in the hospital, a 'wig lady' came into my room and showed me wigs. I was tempted, because it was a HUGE deal for me. I guess I had so many other things happen around that time, that the wigs sort of fell by the wayside...I would surely wear one with pride though, if the situation came up.
I pray there will be other women you can minister to that have lost their hair for any reason. It is such a personal thing to us women, and an issue that is not widely addressed.
I love reading your blog, and it is NOT boring at all.
Love, Debra

godlover said...

Debra, I don't know if you'll think back to check but in case you do I wanted to thank you for reading my blog and having such nice things to say about it. Please tell me a little bit about yourself. Where you live and what you do? What church do you attend? Your likes and dislikes? Married or ? Children? I like to know a little bit about people and as long as I have such a small readership, it's nice to know who's talking. I am married and my son has adult children now his own. (How did that ever happen???) Anyway, share what you are comfortable sharing and ask any questions you would like answered. I'm so happy that you are one of my readers. Welcome Aboard!