Marriage & Divorce

Last Friday I mentioned Job in my blog and how he and his wife had become one soul and therefore she was not struck by Satan. We had small group this morning and we took a very cursory look at Malachi and I found something interesting. Speaking of the wife, Malachi writes in 2:14-16: "... she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? ... guard yourselves ... do not break faith with [your] wife ... 'I hate divorce,' says the Lord God of Israel." Again just meaning to show that when we marry we marry into a covenant. We take a vow and the Lord is very serious about this for He makes two souls one.

To leave a marriage is to leave your soul behind. That's why we should take our vows to each other as serious as serious can get because in some way that we can't quite see or define God takes our two souls and creates them into one soul when we make a covenant marriage. Divorce is very prevalent in society today. But those in the church need to realize that to the Lord, divorce is something detestable. "I hate divorce," He says. And why does He hate divorce? Because it takes the two souls that God built into one and breaks it apart again. Hearts get broken. Everybody gets wounded. Everybody suffers. Am I then saying divorce is never an option? No, I'm not saying that at all. Jesus said on the grounds of adultery one can make a divorce. And I further believe that women are to leave an abusive relationship because her mate has broken his vows to love and cherish her. But I can't go along with divorce if it's just because someone becomes tired of their mate or that they "grow apart." We are not to let ourselves grow apart in the first place. We don't marry with the idea that we'll stay married to this person as long as she/he continues to make us happy. Marriage is a contract, a covenant and that means that both mates devote themselves to the other. We should strive daily to make our spouse happy, not ourselves.

There's a television program that I just love to watch on TLC (I think) all about couples having children but it breaks my heart when I watch it simply because I know the statistics involved. They are so excited and full of love for this baby (and for each other) yet I know that the odds are that not too many years down the line, one or the other of them is going to opt out of that family arrangement and hearts are going to break. Most divorces are totally selfish. But real people get really hurt. Everything's fine until you get to a point where you realize your mate isn't making you happy any longer. Well, you don't simply divorce. You dig in and work within that marriage until you're happy again. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you need to roll up your sleeves and go to work. Your marriage is sick, in need of tender loving care not divorce. When times like this befall us we need to look at what's missing in our lives. Most divorces would not happen if the one who is unhappy would begin to work in the marriage to make the other person happier. Yes, I said that right. Most divorces could be avoided if the person who's feeling the least happy would dive in and do things to make their mate even happier.

The rule is as plain as it can possibly be. You will get out of your marriage what you put into it. I realize this isn't always the case but what I'm saying is that you don't run to the divorce lawyer the first time you come across a little dissatisfaction in your marriage. Marriages take work. It's the way God designed them. God knows that we can't truly be fulfilled and all that He wants us to be unless we have someone else to make happy. That, dear wife, is your honored duty, your obligation, your responsibility, and your privilege. That, dear husband, is your duty, obligation, responsibility, and privilege. God created us to be caring and loving people and He designed marriage to be the vehicle or instrument used to carry out these God-given needs. When we are feeling neglected, rather than pull away from our mate, that is when we need to cater to our partner the most. And I use that word 'partner' because that's what we are to our spouse in this covenant. Even God calls us partners as I quoted Malachi earlier. If when we are unhappy we would simply devote ourselves to making our partner even happier than he/she already is, the marriage will grow and we will soon reap the benefits of our investment. Our spouse will be happier and that happiness will come back to us in the covenant arrangement of our marriage.

When we marry we need to realize that what we are saying in our vows is that we will love and honor our spouse for as long as we live, not just until they no longer make us feel good. That is love, dear friends. You say you are miserable in your marriage but your spouse is always smiling. You're miserable but your spouse is as happy as a Lark. Then, praise God! You are succeeding in your end of the covenant. When we go into a marriage is should be to make the other person happy, not to make ourselves happy. I mean, if we end up happy in the process then again I say, praise God! We marry because we want the most and the absolute best for our mate. We want to make them happy and that shouldn't change a couple years down the line.

Marriage is a life-long covenant. It's holy and sacred to God. It's as if God says: "Here, I've given you a partner, a perfect partner to love and honor and make happy." He doesn't say that He's given us someone to make us happy. That just comes along with it. But, no, God brings two people together so they have someone else to love. It's just as simple as that. Each of us are in a marriage to make the other person happy. I can't be me unless I have Michael to love, and honor, and cherish, and make happy. And whether or not I'm happy is of no consequence. I mean, I hope and pray that you are happy in your marriage but your commitment is to make the other person (your mate) happy. But if we could simply go into marriage understanding these simple facts, the divorce rate would plummet. It would be a scarcity.

In my marriage, I've come to love my husband more than I thought possible. He doesn't always make me happy. Quite the opposite at times. But the thing is that I know my happiness has really nothing to do with my marriage. My marriage is an outlet for me to give my love to someone else and in that I am fulfilled. And when I see Michael happy, it makes me happy. And when he's happy he tends to do and say things that make me happy. "What goes around comes around," as the saying goes. But rarely, rarely is divorce an option. An unhappy marriage just means that we need to work harder at it. It will come around with nurturing and tender loving care. It's all designed that way by God. That's why it's such a serious thing to get married. It's a life-long commitment to make the other person as happy as we can.