After the Fire

We had lots of excitement in the neighborhood last night just after 10:00. I went over to turn on the side porch light for my dog and all I could see through the glass door was a house on fire. I grabbed the phone, punched in 9-1-1, and tossed the phone to Michael (I can't hear) as I ran to the front door. I stood on the deck and watched the house burn as Michael finished his call to the fire department and slipped on his shoes. Then we took off for the house about 30 yards away. People were running everywhere trying to get water hoses on the fire. Oh, how I wanted to run up and help but I knew there were enough people there already doing all they could do. The entire back of the house was engulfed in flames and the roar of the fire was incredible. There were two very large explosions, one after the other, and the fire shot up to the top of a pine tree 100 feet in the air. A CHP officer arrived, then an ambulance, then a sheriff deputy, and then, finally, the fire trucks. There was so much activity it was exciting. I, of course, thought back to when I was 6 years old and our family's house burned in the middle of the night. Those kind of memories never fade. I remember my mother waking us up and my sisters and I holding onto each others' night gowns as we felt our way down the smoke-filled hallway. Memories.

We stayed and watched the activity until they got the fire pretty well knocked down and then we walked home. We have an excellent view out our glass sliding door from where I first saw the fire. We gave up and went to bed and fell asleep to the sounds of emergency vehicles idling into the night. We took a drive around the block this morning to check out what was left of the house and, sadly, there's nothing left. It was a total loss. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if the fire department had gotten on scene faster. It took them over 15 minutes to get here and we're only about a mile from the fire department. But we have an all-volunteer fire department so sometimes it takes longer for everyone to get to the fire station to staff the engines. Our street was completely blocked off by emergency vehicles for several hours. We just never know when tragedy is going to strike, do we? Living in a fallen world definitely has its drawbacks. But during trials of my own I can cling to the hope, "the assured expectation," that this life isn't all there is.

For in Christ the heart of the Father is revealed, and higher comfort there cannot be than to rest at the Father's bosom. In Him the fullness of the divine love is revealed, combined with the tenderness of a mother's compassion ... and what can comfort like this? In Him I see one thousand times more given to me than I have lost; I see how God takes from me in order that I might have room to take from Him that which is so much better. In Him, suffering is consecrated, and becomes for me the foretaste of eternal glory; in suffering it is that the Son of God and of glory rests on me. If I only abide in Christ in times of affliction, I will enhance my relationship with Him, and who could ask for more? The deeper experience of Christ's tenderness and the Father's love will urge me to live for His glory. In affliction I must abide in Christ. When I see it coming, I must meet it in Christ; and when it is here, I will feel that I am more in Christ than I am in it, for He is nearer to me than affliction ever can be.

My thoughts and words come readily when it is not my house sitting in ruin. I can still smell the burned and charred ruins where just hours ago someone sat living their life before affliction came to call. I want so to comfort the people who suffered such devastating loss last night yet I am fully convinced of this: God works in all ways to bring about the changes that are necessary to transform us into the image of His Son. I can only hope that I would still look on things the way I do if it had been my own loss. I must try to learn the blessed truth that in affliction my first, my only calling is to abide in Christ! I must be with Him alone. I must beware of the comfort and distractions that friends can often bring. I must learn to let Jesus Christ Himself be my chief companion and comforter. I must delight myself in the assurance that closer union with Him is sure to be the results of any trial, because it is the Father Himself who is doing the pruning, and He will ensure the fulfillment of the desire of my soul that yields itself to Him.

So even as I praise and thank God that my house is still whole, I know that it is a soul silent unto God that is the best preparation for knowing Jesus, and for holding fast the blessings He bestows. For surely there were blessings last night, lives intact, treasures spared. Yet, it is when the soul is hushed in silent awe and worship before the Holy Presence that reveals itself within that the still, small voice of the blessed Spirit will be heard.

Therefore, as I seek to better understand the blessed mystery of the ways in which God works, unhampered, to bring about His best, I must abide in Christ. I must have this as my first thought: "My soul, only be silent unto God; for my expectation is from Him" (Ps 62:5). I must learn that my great work is to listen and hear and believe what He promises; to watch and wait and see what He does; and then in faith, and worship, and obedience, to yield myself to His workings ... He alone who works in me and He works mightily.

So by the very grace of God, He has chosen not to bring ruin to my house, this time. The way grace comes to me is through total sacrifice and surrender of self. I must lay myself at Christ's feet, to be accepted and cleansed by Him. I must feel myself utterly powerless to attain to grace on my own. I abide in Christ more fully as I forsake all and follow Him. As I count all things loss, no more than dung, for His sake, I pray that I might be found in Him.

I praise God that it was not my house last night but I am fiercely aware that I can only trust I would think so clearly if it had been. That my soul would be so settled. And so I lift up these people who suffered such loss, and I praise and thank Him that they escaped with their lives. I realize that God uses all things to fit us into the shapes he designed us to be. But I know that my emotions would probably bring me down to a quivering mass unable to see God at work in my life, or worse, blaming Him. The entire idea of the surrender of all self-will, the complete denial to the flesh of it's every desire and pleasure, the perfect separation from the world in all its thinking and acting, the losing and hating of one's life, the giving up of self and it's interests for the sake of others ... this is the disposition which marks me as His when I take up Christ's cross and say, "I am crucified with Christ." May I always, especially during affliction and suffering, abide in Christ.

Lord, I praise You and thank you that it wasn't my house last night and that You have given me such clear insights today. I would just ask that You continue to work within me, shaping me more Christlike as You have patterned me to be, and make my heart and spirit strong. I fully realize it is only by Your grace that I have what I have today and it is only by Your grace that I keep it.