Caring for Our Consciences

All of us at one time or another must face decisions that test our character. God knew this and prepared for it. When a choice conflicts with our value system, the "first responders" are our consciences. However, even this divine gift has been exposed to our fallen world's pre-programming, which means we must adjust and fortify our "inner compass."

We need a strong conscience and the strength of our conscience is based on both truth and tradition, and these in turn are impacted by the work of the Holy Spirit:

Truth. Since Jesus has declared He is the truth, maintaining a close relationship with Him through prayer and obedience strengthens our consciences. Two unyielding and unchanging things come into focus and play key roles in our growing process: the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. The Spirit of Truth, as Jesus identified the third person of the Trinity, is also know as "the Helper." The Spirit does more than just assist us in discerning righteousness and wisdom from sin though. He also teaches us and guides us into all truth (Jn 14:17,26; 16:8,13).

Traditions. Joseph and David are two godly examples for us to look at. Both faced grave temptations but allowed their conscience to guide them in bringing honor to God. At great personal cost, Joseph rejected the advances of Potiphar's wife (Ge 39). And David, though initially choosing to humiliate Saul, let his conscience get him back on track (1Sa 24:5-7).

We can always rely on God's Spirit to help us develop better consciences. He has given us everything we need to accomplish the work He has given us to do, which is essential if we are to live a godly life.

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M is gone across the river for his pre-op appointment with his podiatrist in preparation for the foot surgery to be done next week. I'll be glad to get that all over with. Then we can move on and see if there's anything someone can do about his neck that hurts him all the time. He wants to get the foot taken care of first since he has to walk on it all the time. He also ends up favoring his foot and adjusting his spine out of alignment which gives him backaches. You know, when you can't walk right, everything suffers. Anyway his surgery is scheduled for 11:30 on the 28th in Sacramento. I haven't done any city driving in years. Hope I don't get too stressed. Living up here in the foothills is a totally different world.

It is starting to look a lot like Fall here. Most trees are beginning to turn and there are patches of vibrant colors splashed all over town and across the way on Hogback Mountain. I love Fall but I don't look forward to raking the leaves down in the yard. We had a few cold nights and I put the electric blanket back on our bed and then it warmed up at night and we haven't needed it. We have to fold the bedspread down to the foot of the bed or we get too hot. I love sleeping in cold rooms and can't wait for the cold nights to return.

I lost a dear friend this past week. He was 84 years old and just a dream. I don't think it has fully registered yet that I will never see him again this side of eternity. He took a fall off an 8 foot ladder and suffered numerous broken bones and punctures to his lung. He was very delicate to begin with and he just couldn't hold his own against his horrific injuries. I will miss him dearly. His wife came home yesterday and she must begin life again without him by her side. They were childhood sweethearts and had been married at least 50 years (I think). Ani, Fred's wife, knitted the cap I wore to church last Sunday as she sat by his bedside in ICU the week before. She is in the process of knitting me another one. A solid color this time instead of variegated like the last one. You know, I don't know how people begin again. If something were to happen to Michael, I don't know that I could start all over again and build myself a life without him. For all the times he irritates me, there are multiple times that he soothes me. Or makes me laugh. Sometimes I roll my eyes around at his navy stories but he's been my other half for 36 years now. I can't imagine life without him.

I went to prayer meeting on Tuesday and it felt so good to be back around the table. I have missed that ministry immensely. And after the prayer meeting I walked downstairs with Evelyn and joined the knitting group and that was fun. I didn't do much knitting, just watched mostly. I was at the end of one slipper and needed to cast on for the other slipper and I couldn't remember how many stitches to cast on so I waited until I got home and could count them and refigure the design. I don't have a pattern for these slippers I knit. I just have the design in my head and I go by it. I hadn't written down the figures I used so I had to draw out the diagram and plot everything from the beginning again. I was much more comfortable going through those pains by myself here at home. And wouldn't you know it, I made a mistake and didn't catch it right away. I decided not to rip out my work since it's only a pair of slippers. Anyway it just shows that I'm not perfect. I've heard of women intentionally knitting a wrong stitch for that very reason. But I think I will enjoy my Tuesday nights. And since prayer meeting and the knitting group meets on the same night, M has to cook his own dinner one night a week. Only I think I'll prepare something ahead of time and have him pop dinner in the oven so it will get done at about the time I will be coming home next week. That way we can still eat together and I won't be tempted to just make do with a snack.

I haven't done any of my chores yet and I'm starting to feel guilty. Noon and the bed's not even made. I forgot to take my pills last night until it was too late to take them and so I laid in bed, tossing and turning until after 5:00 this morning. M let me sleep until 10:00. So I'm not really doing so bad when you figure it's only been two hours. And I do have one chore done. I cleaned the cat boxes out in the garage this morning. Something I tend to put off and since I've been really bad with my daily chores this past week and a half, it really needed to be done. So if I get nothing else accomplished at least that got done today.

I feel like I'm starving spiritually. I don't have a study going and I simply cannot get into Beth Moore's book on David. I don't know what the problem is with that book but I've tried to read it several times and just can't seem to get into it. I loved her book on Paul (and I see she has a new one out on the apostle John) but this book is a different story. It's just really dry in the beginning. I know once I get past the beginning it will be a really good book. So another attempt at that is looming in my days ahead. I still do my nine devotions and Bible reading every day so I know I'm getting spiritual food but for some reason I'm hungry for more. I divide my devotionals up into three groups. I read a Psalm from the Bible in the morning followed by three devotionals. I keep three devotionals in the bathroom and read them when I get the chance as the day progresses. And then I have three that I keep by my bed and I read them before going to sleep. But I need to get into a book. I just finished reading The Journey by Billy Graham just the other day so I am by no means starving. But that doesn't change how I feel. I won't be satisfied in this life until 100% of my time is devoted to my life in Christ. I just have an insatiable appetite for spiritual things.

Yesterday I wrote my report for the Quarterly business meeting next Sunday at church. That was a chore I hadn't looked forward to. And while I was at it I wrote my prayer I've been asked to give on November 9th during the service. Pastor is trying something new. He asked a core group of us if we'd be willing to trade off giving the congregational prayer. He thought it might add some spice to the service if there were other "voices." I agreed to do it and then Tim called and asked me to give it on the 9th. I had it roughed out and all I really had to do was type it and then edit it. Pastor recommended that we actually write out our prayer and so I wrote out four of them to make sure I could do it before I agreed to pray for the congregation. I will do fine if I can just keep focused. If I don't hurry through it. It comes from my heart and my heart is a slow thinker, ha! No, it just seems to make the points better when it's given slowly. Usually I get up in front of a group and get a motor mouth in high gear.

I guess I'm going to keep this a short post today and get to my chores before it gets any later. I need to plan out something for dinner too. Oh, I hate cooking. No, that's not necessarily true. I don't so much hate cooking as I do coming up with ideas for dinner. Deciding WHAT to cook is much harder than simply cooking it. We were on our own last night and M cooked himself a grilled cheese sandwich and I made myself a bean burrito. We do that fairly often. Just go together into the kitchen and each cook what we want to eat instead of having a "formal" dinner. A formal dinner is anything with more than one entree and both of us eating the same thing. We're not big into eating. I don't eat breakfast or lunch and I let dinner make up for it. I just don't have a big appetite. I can't imagine what I'd weigh if I actually ate three meals a day!

I'm starting to miss my hair and I'm getting tired of scarves, hats, and do-rags. I saw an older woman in the bank today when I went out before I started this post, and she had very little hair on her head. My heart went out to her because I'm sure she dislikes not having hair as much as I do. Her husband didn't seem to mind, like mine. But women are supposed to have hair. I don't know if my hair is really growing out. It's so slow. I know it's grown out some but I just have this sinking feeling that it's never going to come in again. Well, if not, I'll deal with that when the time comes. Right now I'm going to be grateful for the fact that I don't have to "fix" my hair when I get up or we go someplace. Around home I can go around bald and when I go out I can just through on a hat or a scarf. Takes 30 seconds, max, and I'm ready to go. No hairdryer, curling iron, goop or spray. Just slip on a head covering of some kind and walk out the door. There is freedom in being bald. That I'd like to be able to keep with this is all done and over with. At the rate it's growing, if it continues to grow, I think it will take the better part of a year to grow out. Maybe more.

Well I have chores waiting and I need to get in and see if I can find where I put all my knitting supplies. I just don't know where I put them all. I thought I had everything in my bag but I only had the yarn and slipper I was working on. I need to see if I have a size 8 needle for a future project with the knitting group. So this is going to be it until next time. Bye...