Avoiding Shipwreck

The apostle Paul wanted Timothy, his younger student, to grasp the very basics of keeping the faith. So he wrote about two men who had ignored their consciences at great peril to themselves. Their example illustrates that without a clear understanding of what this gift from God actually is, we often run the risk of capsizing our faith.

It's a mistake but most people see conscience as the voice of God, when it is actually more of a gift instead. We were created with an "inner gauge" that functions as a moral compass for life; it points to a particular standard of our sense of right and wrong and can guide our actions, attitudes, and decisions. But the conscience, like everything else in us, is fallen and in need of redemption. Depending on the way it is "programmed," our conscience even has the potential to nudge us in the wrong direction. Paul himself is an excellent example of this. All his formal learning had caused him to believe, as a Pharisee, that all Christians were a threat to God and to their Jewish faith. His conscience had been programmed to see killing the Christians as a service provided to the Lord. So he aggressively hunted the Christians down without signaling an alarm on his carefully-crafted moral compass. Only after the risen Lord met Paul on the road to Damascus was his conscience transformed and his life course altered. Meeting with the Lord tends to straighten out all the kinks in our lives.

Unless we surrender and let the Lord fully redeem us, our decisions can prove to be as fatal as when we ignore our inner "monitoring system" altogether. By understanding the divine gift of conscience, we stand a much better chance of staying on course and away from trouble. Further, if we submit our consciences to the Holy Spirit, we'll find safe harbor when the storms of life threaten our faith or future.

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This morning was small group so I thought I better take the time this afternoon to blog or I won't get to it again for quite awhile. We have lots of appointments and meetings scheduled for various things. M's surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday the 28th and before we can do that we have to have his pre-op with the surgeon and also an appointment (post-op) with his surgeon AND one with his family practitioner. He may need to get one more blood test and we're both due for our flu shots on the 30th. Lots of things happening this week. Everything will fall into place and I'm not going to fret about anything.

I've got the urge to knit again so I'm going to join the knitting group at church on Tuesdays. I'm going to try to go to the prayer meeting first at 5:00 and then go to the knitting group at 6:00. It will mean that M will have to fend for his own dinner but I really want to knit and since the knitting will interrupt our dinner anyway, I thought I may as well go earlier and catch the prayer meeting. When prayer meeting is over I'll just walk downstairs and knit for an hour or so with everyone in the group. I used to go to prayer meeting every single week and I did that for a couple years but then they changed the time to 5:00 and it is really a bad time for me so I stopped going. But as long as I'll be leaving M to fend for himself that night anyway, I may as well go back to praying too. I have really missed the prayer meetings. I just informed M of my plans and he says that's fine with him. "Fortunately, I know how to cook my own dinner," were his exact words. So now I'm set to start tomorrow night. It will be good to be back in the prayer group again and I think knitting with a bunch of other women will be a lot of fun. I won't be able to make next week's meeting because of M's surgery so it's going to take a couple weeks to get all my schedules adjusted accordingly. I had wanted to join the knitting group last year and almost had myself talked into it but then I chickened out.

This morning in small group we looked at the affirmation of the necessity of the New Birth in Christ. We simply must be born again. There is no other way. Today's meeting was tough for me because I have such a hard time hearing and today was the absolute worst. I couldn't understand what anyone was saying except for my son when he spoke up. Rita's lips move but I'd swear there's no sound coming out from between those lips; they just move silently! Jordan was sitting right next to me and I couldn't understand what he was saying. So today I did what I do so well. I created my own meeting in my mind. I sat and read Bible verses and thought of questions for them for myself and answered them in my head. And when everyone stood to adjourn to the refreshments, I just rose up with them. I opened with prayer so that was my contribution to the study. The rest was just in my mind and just for me. But the fellowship is so special. One might ask why I attend small group when I can't hear anything that's said and my answer would have to be that I enjoy the fellowship. Everyone in the group (except for Kim and Ken and Tamara who all started last week) is much older than me but I still enjoy their company. Today we sat around the table eating delicious lemon bars and brownies (Ken's favorite) sharing with each other when we were all saved. Evelyn got up and got the first Bible she ever owned and we all marveled at how old and well-worn it was. It was amazing that so many of us, all in the Lord, all from different experiences, all came to be sitting around that table together remembering where we were when we were saved and what we'd done in the years since. It was a fun thing to do. I found out that John and Margaret got married the year I was born and Evelyn was saved and baptized that year too. Very interesting. Don't you ever wonder how a group of people all from different backgrounds and origins can come together and be united in Christ? What led us all to be here today, around Evelyn's table, all of us in various stages of our journey? Ken just starting his journey last month and then John having been around for soooooo long. It's just fascinating to me to think about. I really enjoyed my brothers and sisters this morning. No small group next week but then we'll meet the next week. Tamara volunteered to bring the refreshments. She has a recipe for Cinnabons and she's going to bring a bunch of them. They are sooooooo good!!! Decadent even.

The rest of this month, especially next week, is going to be full so I'll have plenty of opportunities to practice sacrificial living. Lots of driving M here and there for all the different tests and doctor appointments, etc. Lots of waiting (which I'm not good at). His surgery is scheduled for 11:30 but they want us to be there by 9:30 which means we'll probably have to leave home around 7:30 to get there in time to find the surgery center and parking. I'll probably get up around 5:30 or 6:00. I won't have to plan time for fixing my hair so really I don't need to get up nearly that early, now that I think about it. There are benefits to being bald. I haven't driven in a city for a long time. M will probably have me blanch-knuckled to the steering wheel but I will give that stress to the Lord. I'll take plenty of things to read and I'll take my knitting and just sit back and relax until it's time to drive home. Normally, though, I don't wait well. That's an area in me that the Lord needs to work on. I'll just say that there's room for lots of improvement in that area. M is not a very good patient or I'm not a very good nurse. Maybe some of both? He can think of a million things he wants me to do and get for him while he's laid up with his foot propped higher than his heart. All the doctor is going to do is remove all the hardware they left in there the last time. He's got screws that are backing out of their holes and a broken titanium plate and all need to be removed. It should be a pretty short operation, I would think.

For those of you who might be wondering. My hair is growing back out but it is taking it's good sweet time and it's also coming in very thinly. There's a part of me that fears it's never really going to go back to normal hair. It will always be too thin to wear naturally again and I have this sinking feeling that it's not going to grow much more. I feel like it's going to grow out about an inch and then just stop. I guess I'll never know why my hair decided to fall out. I mean, really, it's a weird thing to have happen, you know? I've never heard of anyone's hair just falling out like mine did. Strange. Very strange. I guess I'll continue to wear scarves and hats until it grows out (if it ever does) and if it never grows out anymore then I'll consider getting a wig. Of course by then I probably will have spent all the money my sisters pitched in to help me buy a wig. One thing at a time. One thing at a time. Anyway I thought you might like to know that it is growing but it's a slow process. My hair is about 1/2 inch long in most places. It is not growing out evenly. Some of it is longer than other parts and some parts are still bare scalp so I don't know what to think. That's why I think it's not ever going to go back to the stage where I can wear it normally. I think my days of natural locks are over.

I finally got my car washed after church yesterday. I didn't do it on Saturday like I was supposed to because it looked too much like rain. The TV weather person had said no rain but I figured they could be wrong and they were! It didn't rain a lot. Actually it just sprinkled but just enough to mess up a freshly washed car. So I did get something accomplished over the weekend.

Well, since I was gone all morning at small group I think I should keep this short today. I will try to blog again later in the week but I am going to be busy so we'll just have to wait and see how things work out. Also, I noticed I have only one more devotion written up so I need to park my rear somewhere and write a bunch more. So I'm going to have to find time for that soon too. Busy, busy, busy! Stay close to the Lord and I'll see you there! Until next time...