I Need a Break

I guess you've probably figured out by now that I've taken a break; only this time I don't know if I'll be back. Ever. I just got bored with blogging and I spent so much time with nothing to show for it. Now I am into knitting again. I was a knitter 2o years ago and have just recently decided to take it up again and I am really enjoying myself. I knitted a prayer shawl for my niece who lost one of her sons a couple months ago. I thought when grief really washed over her she could wrap up in the shawl and cry her eyes out. It could be her grieving place. We've going across the river tomorrow so I can give it to her. Actually, I'll leave it with my sister since my niece will be at work in Sacramento. I'll let my sister give it to her. But anyway, I've knitted that shawl (that we blessed at prayer meeting last night) and have two other shawls in the works as well as several other projects like a hat and a scarf. The yarn I had ordered came in today's mail and I am so pleased with the color. It is exactly what I wanted. And how often does that happen? Not very. Usually you order it and when it comes in it doesn't look anything like the picture you saw in the catalog or on the Internet. I'm going to use that yarn to make a throw for one of my sisters for next year's Christmas gift. I plan to make one for my other sister too. P's yarn is a dusty antique rose, if you can envision that. BJ's will be a soft blue if I can find the right shade. If I can't find the right shade of blue I'll go with another shade of rose. They both have blue and rose/mauve/pink furniture and accents so I'll try to stick to their color choices. I have a year to make both afghans and I think I can make it work out. I will do other projects while I'm working on the throws or afghans but I imagine it will take me quite some time to do them. I meet with a group of knitters from my church and from the community every Tuesday evening for an hour, immediately after prayer meeting (we meet in opposite ends of the church) and joining this group has gotten me back to prayer meeting. I went every Tues night for years and then they decided to change the time to 5:00PM. That's the time I'm usually in the middle of preparing dinner so I stopped going. Then when I decided to go to knitting at 6:00, I thought why not have M put something in the oven for me and we could eat when I got home. He said that would be okay with him so I now go to both meetings on Tues nights. I meet at my friend's house on Friday afternoons for knitting too. She teaches me things and we knit together for a couple hours. A nice, fun, relaxing time. Doing this is something I've never done ... in my entire life! I've never just gone over to a friend's house and visited or did anything else. But we enjoy our Fri afternoons.

A bunch of us knitters met at a restaurant at 1:00 today and said goodbye to one of our group who is leaving to go where it's warmer. That too is something I've rarely ever done. Go to lunch with friends. I'm really trying to open up and come out of my protective world inside my house. There are so many things I don't do because of my hearing loss. They take me out of my comfort zone. But I am trying. I am really trying to open up and be vulnerable. The knitting takes a commitment and I hope to continue. I'm a little frustrated right now though because I keep making mistakes and have to keep ripping it back out. I had one of these shawls about 38 inches long and ripped it completely out and started all over again. There were mistakes in it and I was not happy with it. My niece's shawl has a big mistake in it that she'll probably never even see but I know it's there and it was so obvious when Kath and I blocked it that I really couldn't feel any real satisfaction in having knitted it. I regretted letting that mistake go through so much that I decided I couldn't let that happen again. That's when I came home and ripped it out and started from scratch all over again. I now have it about 33 inches long and I've got a problem with it that I couldn't solve tonight. I hate it when that happens. I use markers that break it down to a workable number of stitches for each marker so I'm able to determine immediately if there's an error I've made but I'm not really very good at defining exactly what the problem is so I can fix it. I had the same thing happen Sun night and I just put it away and then in the morning, with fresh eyes, I was able to distinguish between the stitches and located my mistake and fixed it. I am really, really hoping that that happens again for me. I won't be able to look at it in the morning because we're going across River, but when we get back and I have had a sufficient break from the project, I'm hoping to solve my problem. One thing about knitting, it keeps you on your toes. I was so hoping to go over to Kath's house to knit on Fri without taking a problem with me for her to fix. I went so long without making a lasting mistake and I just want to fix it myself. I want to be able to go over to Kath's and just knit for a change. I am hoping and praying that the Lord will show me tomorrow where I've done the wrong stitch, dropped a stitch, or YO'd when I shouldn't have. You may think it quite strange for me to bring the Lord into my knitting but everything I do is for His glory and when I make a prayer shawl for someone, well, it reflects on Him. I don't even know who these shawls are for. I will knit them, block them, and box them and have them on hand for when someone really needs a prayer shawl. It is a ministry for me to knit and give away these shawls. And they're not necessarily reserved for members of my family or my church family but for anyone who I determine needs a place to cry. When my son died I would have loved to have had someone give me a prayer shawl. I would have wrapped myself in it and cried my eyes out in prayer.

The temp has really dropped tonight. Right now it's 25 degrees outside. The cold front that moved in after the rains we had the other day brought in very cold air behind it. We are due for more rain in a day or so so it will warm back up quickly. I hope.

Well, it has been fun blogging and you might want to check periodically just to see if I've posted. Getting back to blogger tonight has stirred things inside and I recognize the fact that I have missed blogging but I've only got so much time. Maybe I could find a way to blog once a week or so. I do enjoy it very much! I think somehow I'll be able to work in both blogging and knitting into my life. This past month I have saturated myself in knitting because I have forgotten so many things I used to know about it. You know the old phrase: Use it or lose it! How true that is. It frustrates me that I can't go right to a mistake and fix it. I used to be able to do that. So I have spent the past month trying to learn to read my knitting stitches all over again. I have made progress but I still can't do it all by myself all the time yet. I mean, I know where I make a mistake (between 2 markers) I just struggle with reading what I did as opposed to what I should have done. That's the tough thing for me. I really hope I can solve this problem tomorrow. I so wanted to go over to Kath's with no problem for her to solve. But I will swallow my pride and ask for her help if I can't get it done before then.

I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner. I made myself sit down and write out my Christmas cards this morning and then took them to the Post Office after lunch. I have all my gifts bought and wrapped. I did that last week. All I still need to do is attach name tags and bows. I always do the bows just before giving them out. (They stack well in the car without bows and the bows don't get all smooshed.) I decided on what day last week I wanted to shop and then I got up early. But before leaving my driveway I took out a few mins just to sit and pray about my day. I'm not good at shopping. The truth of the matter is that I hate shopping. I get absolutely no enjoyment out of shopping at all. So I prayed for the Lord to go before me and prepare the way for me to find the right gifts for the right prices and for a safe trip over and back. In two hours I was completely done and on my way back home. Then when I got home, rather than just take all the newly-bought gifts into the spare room and deal with them later, I got out everything I need and wrapped them while I was still in the mood to deal with gifts. I figured I had planned on taking all day just to buy some of the presents, might as well dedicate more of my day and get them wrapped. And I had everything wrapped and put away before I had even hope to have them done. What a nice blessing. Did my prayer make a difference? Did it help? Sure didn't hurt any that's for sure. And yes, I think prayer does make a difference. I had asked for a calm spirit and a right attitude and God gave me both and He threw the location of the gifts while He was at it. Prayer always helps and I firmly believe the Lord wants to be included in every detail of our lives. Whenever I start to make a mistake knitting and catch myself, I always say "Thank You" to the Lord. And I always try to remember to pray each day before I start my knitting.

Well it is late so I think I'll let this be it for now. I really can't say when or if I'll be back. I kind of feel like it's a "when" rather than an "if" just by the way I feel after writing this post. I do enjoy blogging. And truthfully I was getting a little bored by it but it's still in my blood. I just can't see me never blogging again. So check my site every week or so and see if I have anything posted. Until then, stay close to the Lord in everything you do. He so desires a close, real relationship with us. He wants to be involved in our lives and that means involving Him in the nuts and bolts of our lives. He wants us to share our lives with Him and He will never reject our attempts to involve Him in our efforts, whatever they may be.

Oh. oh, I have more to say. Last Sun morning I went to church without a hat!! Milestone!!! My hair is still very, very short and you can see scalp in places but it felt good to go and not wear a hat. (Of course now with the cold I'm back to wearing a hat again; go figure.) It is only about an inch long on top but it's long enough now that it's only sticking straight up at the very peak of my head (I can't remember what that's called; the apex??) And I didn't feel too horribly self-conscious about it. It's the first time I'd gone anywhere in public without a head covering in almost 6 months now. That's a bit of a shock to me. I haven't really thought about it but it has taken almost 6 months to grow 1" of hair. Hummm. That's a long time to grow so little. But I'm grateful for getting what I have now. Who knows; it may never be any longer than it is right now. And I'll manage. It may all decide to fall out again. And I'll manage. I have always been the type of woman who is fussy about her hair. Then I had no hair to fuss with. But I'll take what I can get and praise God for every single hair strand.

Until next time...