This is Me

I'm going to try something different. I don't know if it will work in this setting or whether I'll be able to carry it out but I thought I'd give it a try:

I am old enough to draw Social Security this year. I know, I know that makes me older than dirt but it sure beats the alternative, as my father used to say. I weigh 160-165, depending on what time of day you weigh me. I know, I know that's a "few" pounds too many. I was skinny as a rail my entire life (and still have skinny legs) and then when the Lord moved me to quit smoking I kind of packed it on a bit. I would love to lose this extra weight but have decided it was a good trade. Just to be free of the addiction is worth the weight (or that's what I keep telling myself!). I'm a little on the short side at 5'4" with small feet and hands. My complexion is fair and I have a sprinkling of freckles on my arms and across the top of my cheek bones. However, they are light and hardly noticeable at all. My hair is medium ash brown and very short with no sign of gray, cut up over and around my ears and just long enough at the apex to stand straight up the way I like it. Actually right now I need a hair cut because my hair has gotten long enough to want to lie down. That's not to my liking and I have a hair appointment next week to get it cut again. I'm thankful to God that my hair all fell out last year so that I'd see what it looks like this short. (I would never have mustard up enough courage to have it cut this short on my own. But when it all fell out I had no choice but to watch it grow back in and I liked what I saw when it grew to this length.) Straight and limp as a wet noodle all my life, it grew back in with curl and body and texture, much to my liking! So now all I need to do is wet my hair, finger style it making a soft part on my right side and trying to take some of the curl OUT of my bangs (I would never have dreamed I'd have this problem!) let it air dry and then run a comb or pick through it to give it that "finished look." And voila! instant style. My hair is now the way I have always wished it would be. Praise God! It really was worth having all my hair fall out just to discover this length for me. Not that I'd like it to fall out all over again. Boy that thought is scary because we have no idea why my hair fell out in the first place and that being said means that it could do the same thing all over again, just fall out and go for bald.

My forehead of normal size and is mostly pale from wearing bangs my entire life. My eyebrows are very light and quite often completely disappear on me. I try to make myself color them with a "blond" pencil before going out on errands or whatever. But I don't always succeed. I quite often forget to pencil them in. I actually just add a tiny bit of color, just enough to make it look like I have them. There is a slight scar over my left eyebrow from an accident when I was three years old. I was jumping up and down on my grandmothers bed and fell off and hit my head on a metal coffee can (this was in the "old" days when coffee came in metal cans with a sharp edge around the top when opened with a "key"). My eyes are set apart at a nice distance and are blue. I wish they were a bright blue and have hoped for it most of my life. But for the most part they are a blue that you don't notice unless you really look for it. I've passed the blue eyes on to my son and I think he has passed them on to his oldest daughter and son. My lashes are long and thin. They haven't always been thin. There was a time when they were thick and extra long. I've received many compliments on my eyelashes over the years. My eyes are a bit almond-shaped and are the right distance apart with a few crows feet around the outside edges of my eyes. The upper lid sags a bit now due to the passing of time and gravity and the years have eaten away at their beauty. Without makeup they appear to be weak to me but I don't wear makeup much anymore. Too lazy I guess. And not wanting to be a "painted old lady" I've opted for the more natural look.

My nose is small and slightly turned up at the end and my cheekbones are rather nondescript. They are high and toward the outsides but there isn't much to them. From certain angles my cheeks and face appear flat. I've always kept color on my cheekbones until recently when I ran out of blush and haven't bought any to take its place. My mouth is of proper size with a rather thin upper lip, nicely defined but still thin. I'm currently purchasing a little Avon lipstick and glosses because I had gotten tired of the shades I have and had stopped wearing it, but this face really needs color on the lips. There is a speck of red just barely above the lip line on the right side. I've asked several doctors what that might be and they've all just looked at me with a funny look on their face and an "I dunno" answer. There is one lone freckle just about in the center of my bottom lip that has faded over the years but is still defined. I have the habit of worrying my lips a bit. Meaning I move them around a bit and tend to "purse" them. (A habit I am always trying to break!) My chin is small and of a nice size.

I have a pleasant face. One that still shows a little bit of the beauty that used to be there. When I was younger I never thought of myself as attractive but looking at old photos have made me realize that once upon a time I was pretty and didn't know it. Sadly, jowls are beginning to form along the jaw line and gravity has taken it toll here too. It is a face that has little to look at anymore, but at the same time, it isn't unpleasant at all. The years and tragedies I've endured show around my eyes, which are a bit sad most of the time. Not that I go around pouting. But the sadness is definitely there. I smile easily and when I do, wrinkles form around the mouth and crinkle at the corners of my eyes. All in all, it is a pleasant face that has shed the beauty it once had and has settled for a more characteristic face. Worry lines show around my mouth when I smile and there's no hiding the fact that this face has smiled a lot over the years. Two interesting characteristics are revealed in my face: there is definite sadness indelibly written on it at the death of my son. That sadness will never go away. The eyes don't sparkle the way the used to and my smiles are always strained a bit now but at the same time, you can tell that this is a face that has laughed much over the years. I love to laugh and do it every chance I get but underneath the laughter lives a deep sorrow. I miss my son very much. Yes, my face is pleasant to look at but the beauty faded a long time ago when he took his own life. So there are opposites quite noticeable when I look in the mirror.

Well, that has been a quick tour of "me." I tried to be honest and just state the facts. I would have loved to have given you an imaginary description of a gorgeous woman but it would have all been a lie so I decided to stick to the truth. It is a face that I hope reflects the glory of God.

Until next time...