Not Just Any Thursday in November

Forty-six years ago today Richard Darnell Wilson came into the world weighing 8 lbs. 3-1/2 ounces and measuring 21-1/2 inches long. Yes Rich would have been 46 years old today if he had not committed suicide at the tender age of 22. He's been dead for 24 years and I still miss him so very much. I can't help but wonder what he would be like now. How many grandchildren would he have given me? Time has taken away the pain but nothing can take away the ache in this mother's heart. I've shed a few tears tonight. Something I haven't done in years. Tears can't bring him back nor do they wash away the loneliness I feel without him in my life. I think he would be proud of his little brother and the person he's become. And I think he'd be proud of me too for simply hanging on no matter what. We miss you, Rich. And I have always been proud that you were my son and I had the privilege of loving you. I still do, you know. Love you. I always will.

An Odd Day

What an odd day this has been! It disappeared on me. I got absolutely nothing done and the day is over and I'm deep into the night. Oh I did do a few things. I finished one neckwarmer and started another. (Hopefully I'll have enough done by Christmas for everyone that's on my list.) I ran errands, although I found the bank and the Post Office closed, same for the print shop (where I almost risked life and limb to cross the highway to get copies made for my husband only to find them closed). I struck gold at the drug store. Got my $37 refund and picked up two free 2010 calendars and then headed to Kathleen's house for some one-on-one knitting advice. Mostly just checking to make sure I know what I think I'm doing (you figure it out). I was right on with my vest but still traveling scary waters as far as venturing into the unknown of knitting goes, and my little fountain hood will turn out all right even though I didn't join the ends correctly on the circular needle. Oh I did it correctly according to the directions I googled, but it wasn't Kathleen's way and therefore there's a slight problem with it that I wouldn't have if I'd trusted my memory of how she told me to do it. See, I did remember correctly, I just didn't trust my memory. Usually that works best for me because I have the absolute worst memory on planet earth. So that advice was good and I'll do it her way next time. But I'm really struggling with the hood on the circular needle. It is very difficult for me to get the unworked stitches off the cable and back onto the wooden needle points. It's exactly like trying to work a size 4 stitch onto a size 6 needle. The needle is too big or the stitch is too small, whichever you please. But I've never knitted in the round before so maybe this is always the way it is. Anyway I'm not having any fun knitting the hood. Not yet. I haven't given up and started over again. I'm persevering. I'm sticking with the plan. Oh yes, I paid my car registration today too although I couldn't put the cash in the bank because, as I said earlier, the bank was closed. That means I must go out again tomorrow to make the deposit. The thing is (with the registration fee) I've had the cash for the registration for over a month stashed away in a safe place. I was thinking my registration was due in December (that was the caddy) but I happened to think about it today and looked it up and wouldn't you know it, it was due YESTERDAY which means that I had to pay a $24 late fee for one lousy day. Go figure!! Also I had an executive board meeting to attend tonight at 7:30 and I remembered it at 7:35! Then about 8:00 I remembered it was Wednesday and I had forgotten to take my walk! Again!!! Ever have one of those days??? So this has been how my day has gone. And on top of all that hubby needed a gazillion things today. I'd no more than get settled on the couch with my knitting and he'd ask me to get something for him or make something for him to eat or any little chore whatsoever. Now I'm not complaining. I know he can't help it. He can't do things for himself when he can't walk, now can he? No he can't and I fully realize that but the "service with a smile" tends to darken with use. Before I knew it I found myself gritting my teeth every time he asked me to get him something.

I just wanted to sit and knit today. To lose myself in yarn overs and purls and feel the soft pull of the yarn through my fingers. But my knitting today was not relaxing or satisfying because I'd no more than pick it up and then I'd have to lay it aside to do something else. Pick it up. Lay it aside. Pick it up. Lay it aside. That's how it went all day.

My house is a fright right now. There's so much that needs to be done and I don't have the ambition to do even the smallest chore. I just want to knit. Which is what I should be doing now, undisturbed and thankful. But here I sit complaining in my blog. My blog that no one reads any more which is partly my fault but who's pointing fingers. Where was I? Oh, yeah, all I wanted to do was sit and knit today and relax to the feel of one needle gliding across the other. It's very soothing to knit and if you're the least bit stressed you should give knitting a try. But don't try to do it with a hubby who can't walk and do things for himself. The two don't mix. Water and oil. Okay I've complained enough. It's just that it was such a weird day. Nothing turned out right and nothing went according to plan. I feel like I've lived someone else's life today. All that aside, let me thank you for praying for hubby (and me). His leg (and my attitude) definitely need it. And I'll ask you to please continue to remember us in your prayers. Hubby's leg seemed a bit better today. Still swollen. Still red. Still very, very painful. I just need to cope. That's where your prayers come in. Yes, thank you for praying for us, especially hubby. He's the one in pain. Well we're both in pain but his is physical. Mine's only mental. But I still need prayer. Weird day. A really weird day. And I am in an equally weird mood. I'm sorry. I think I'll go knit for awhile and then go to bed. It's after midnight as it is. I wish I could just click my heels together and my house would be clean. Ginny talked about her laundry piled high and muddy boots on the porch. I don't have the muddy boots but I sure have the laundry that needs to be done. Tomorrow will be a better day. I will get up and get to work and get my chores and errands taken care of before I sit down to knit. And I will get to that laundry that I've said I was going to take care of every day this week. That and the vacuum. I'm going to go knit.

Prayer Request

We have been very busy around here for the past few weeks. It all started simply enough. A couple weeks ago I noticed hubby's leg was swollen from the knee down to his toes. I suspected a possible blood clot and took him to the emergency room. They did a sonogram and failed to find a clot so he was sent home with instructions to wear an orthopedic stocking and keep his leg elevated because one could still form. As the days went by the swelling decreased except around his knee. And hubby began experiencing a worsening of the pain. Seemed that every day it hurt him more and more. I took him to his doctor and he ordered another sonogram to make sure a clot had not formed since the first sonogram. Again there was no clot but there was a build up of fluid in the area. His doctor ordered an MRI of the knee and we got those results this morning at 8:15. Seems that he has a cyst up inside his knee joint that is pressing on all the nerves and vessels in that area. Which as we all know is a very tender area. On top of the cyst is the fact that he needs a full joint replacement on that knee. He has "severe" deterioration of the bones and other arthritic problems. Right now, of course, the problem is mostly the cyst because it's bulging and literally making it feel like his knee is going to explode. I noticed tonight that his right leg is discolored, like if you put a rubber band around your finger and watch it turn red, so I know his circulation is not normal in that leg, the cyst is pressing on the vessels, restricting blood flow. He has been referred to an orthopedic surgeon but that can take up to a week here where we live. We love living up here in the foothills but things happen at such a slower pace up here. If we lived down in the Valley, he'd probably be scheduled for surgery by now. So I'm asking all of you to please pray from my hubby. Pray that the cyst goes down and releases the pressure in his knee which will lesson his pain a great deal. Pray also that he gets in to see the surgeon as soon as possible (like tomorrow) and that they get this thing properly taken care of. A knee replacement is a major thing to contemplate but if it has to be done then it has to be done. Hubby is quite a bit older than I am and at 78 this will be no easy operation for him to endure. He just had spinal neck surgery on August 24th. Since then he seems to have one problem after another. The surgery appears to have gone well but he's prone to spasms in his neck and shoulder muscles. Please pray also for that. Pray that God will work into this a wonderful blessing. (If anyone can do it, God can.) Pray that he gets on top of this pain and the disorder in his life and that in some way this will draw him back to God and to church. This is a hardship for me also in that I'm not able to be away from him for more than a few minutes at a time because he needs so much help getting around. I picked up a walker for him today and that has helped immensely. He can get around so much better using it instead of the two canes he was trying to use. Pray that it won't get so bad that I'll need to call for an ambulance to take him to the ER. We almost went that route last night. Obviously he had a terrible night last night. He was simply beside himself with pain and he couldn't get into any position that would lessen the pain at all. So please pray that he will sleep well and get rested.

I'm still walking 3 days a week and I got all my yarn and projects organized in the spare room. It looks a lot better in there I must say. And for an added bonus I know where everything is, yea!!

I'm not really writing a blog tonight. I just wanted to let you know about the latest events. Oh, please pray for me too. I may be a lot younger than hubby but I have my limitations too. I can no longer pick people up and move them around the way I used to do when I worked as a paramedic on ambulances. And I tire more easily than I used to. Thank you for reading my blog and thank you in advance for your prayers for us. I wish this weren't happening so near Christmas. We may not have the Christmas we'd like to have if the resolution to all these problems doesn't happen for a few weeks. We'd like to get in and get it done so that he'll be able to enjoy the holidays. He was able to attend his ship's reunion in Reno in September just a couple weeks after his neck surgery and just before this latest problem cropped up so he was blessed in that way. Until next time...